1 November 2004
"Jimmy Bullard and Michael Flynn usually hammer each other about their clothes, but they've started on me because I wear more funky gear!"
1 November 2004
"The best players I've faced? Cristiano Ronaldo is a tricky little player, but Brian Deane would definitely be up there too"
5 October 2004
"Roberto Carlos is deformed, isn't he? Two of my thighs stuck together would make one of his"
1 October 2004
"I’d probably had one drink too many when I entered my studio, but the finished product is framed on the wall"
24 September 2004
"?I want to see footballers sparking out photographers, falling out of nightclubs and shagging Page Three girls...”
1 August 2004
"I think that there’s a lot of similar things between English and German people, but neither side wants to admit it"
"I went to the toilet and found myself next to a guy with a swastika tattooed on his forehead"
1 July 2004
"If Bergkamp had played in the Cruyff team of 1974, Holland would have won the World Cup"
1 July 2004
"My first dog, called Sam Fay Lady, only cost £250. She was absolutely useless"
"People go to Walsall because they love it. They don't know what a prawn is"
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