BotN: Everybody to host Euro 2020, UEFA warn general public

UEFA weren't kidding when they said they were taking the Euros to Europe, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson reports...

Anyone living in Europe may be expected to host a game at the 2020 European Championships, UEFA president Michel Platini has warned.

In a revolutionary change to the format of the tournament, no single host has been chosen, instead UEFA have stressed that games will be played ‘anywhere and everywhere’.

In his declaration yesterday, Platini urged Europeans that where possible they should make their gardens as playable as possible, designate two rooms of their house as ‘home’ and ‘away’ dressing rooms and create a ‘plush Wi-Fi enabled mixed zone’ in case a game should break out on their property.

“We are bringing this European Championship to fans across the continent,” Platini told FourFourTwo.

“This is no platitude, I mean this quite literally. You should be warned that there is every chance that Greece and Denmark will turn up on your doorstep at some point in June 2020.”

Spain could be coming to your back garden - so shift that dog muck...

From 2016, the European Championships will be expanded from 16 to 24 teams, adding to the need for venues, despite criticism from some pundits who have pointed out that there are fewer than 24 nations in Europe.

Germany has volunteered to break into West and East to help UEFA, but the proposal has met with a mixed reception domestically.

“My aim is for the European Championship to be a lengthy dislocated sequence of contests at baffling times without any cohesive identity,” Platini continued.

“It’s my vision that football fans will spend most of 2020 with the nagging feeling that Poland are probably playing the Czech Republic and the genuine fear that they could return home to find Giovanni Trapattoni hammering on their door.”

Reports suggest that Africa will table a bid for the 2024 European Championship as regulations state that no nation can host two consecutive tournaments.

Editor's note: this is satire and not a serious accusation - all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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