Southampton appoint Mauricio Pochettino knock-off

Mauricio Pellegrino

Southampton have unveiled a cut-price Mauricio Pochettino as their new manager, Back of the Net can reveal

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Having previously enjoyed considerable success under Pochettino, the Saints have unveiled the copyright-infringingly similar Mauricio Pellegrino, who joins the club from a backstreet Argentine managerial academy with dubious legal status.

The new Mauricio is just like the old Mauricio, with almost 99.4% of their DNA being identical

Pellegrino becomes the latest high-profile footballing knock-off, following Collins John, Kiko Casilla, Moussa Dembele and Papakouli Diop, all of whom are unauthorised copies of more famous originals.

Saints chairman Ralph Krueger said: “The new Mauricio is just like the old Mauricio, with almost 99.4% of their DNA being identical, except he’s not officially recognised by the managerial standards authority and is therefore much cheaper.


Pochettino wondering why Southampton asked for hair and blood samples before he left

“He’ll give us exactly what the old Mauricio did, except he’s slightly less handsome, his suits don’t fit quite as well, and he could be seized by customs at any minute.”

Whereas Pochettino favours a dynamic, high-energy style with advanced full-backs and a high press, Pellegrino prefers a slightly less dynamic approach with less mobile full-backs and a medium press, owing to his slightly lower specifications.

However, Krueger defended his new tactician, saying: “When we signed Fraser Forster, everyone said he was a copy of Ben Foster, and he was, but just because a goalkeeper’s been thrown together out of large spare parts in Scotland, that doesn’t mean he can’t be a success.”

Krueger also confirmed that should Mauricio Pellegrino fail, or stop functioning altogether due to shoddy workmanship, they had another knock-off called Maurizio Pellegrino – previously of Serie B Catania – on standby.

Speaking at his unveiling, Pellegrino said: “I am delighted to be joining this own-brand Atletico Madrid.”

Please note: This satirical news story is not real. Like, obviously.

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