Ranked! The 17 weirdest club badges in football

We're nothing if not thorough over at FourFourTwo HQ, which is why we've left no stone unturned in our hunt to bring you the most bizarre crests in world football.

From missiles to rabbits, knife-wielding pirates to short-wearing footballs, our slideshow features offerings from Gabon, Finland, Ecuador, Aruba and more. What are you waiting for?

Nope, this isn’t an advert for a new shampoo. Bournemouth ditched their former logo containing two cherries and a football for this bizarre computerised image of someone balancing a ball on his head.

It’s not just any old person, though: the figure depicts former Bournemouth striker Dickie Dowsett, who played for the club between 1957 and 1962 and once scored a brilliant diving header against Aston Villa, which is the inspiration behind this crest. Except he presumably didn't head it straight upwards

This Thai club’s crest is nothing if not professional. They’ve paid someone to make that. Still, slick design can’t conceal the fact that it’s an honest-to-God telephone. Yes, really.

OK, so TOT originally stood for Telephone Organisation of Thailand and they’re based in the telecommunications district of Bangkok (the glamorous part of town, clearly). Still, adopting the motto ‘Hello’ and including ‘TELEPHONE’ in capital letters below the main logo is probably taking things a tad too far. We might ring them up to complain…

You don’t win three African Champions League titles without some serious firepower, but this is surely cheating. The Cameroonian club possess a cannon so powerful that it can fire footballs bigger than its muzzle.

And if you don’t like the badge’s design, simply click on the settings tab on the left of the logo to change it. Just watch out for where that ball’s about to ricochet…

What a name for a football club. Founded in 2003, the Libreville-based side have reinforced the importance of hitting the target by adorning their badge with a giant – you guessed it – missile.

The team certainly seems to go along with the “attack is the best form of defence” approach implied by their badge: in their final nine encounters in 2017, Missile only failed to score in one.

What is it with these clubs and violence? There’s a chance these pirates of the Caribbean, Independiente Caravel, had Johnny Depp in mind when they designed this badge, which features an extremely menacing looking boat-borne criminal.

As if his facial expression wasn’t scary enough, our eye-patched friend also has a knife delicately placed between his teeth. You'd definitely be expecting the ref to have a word.

This crest could double up as a promotional poster for a Halloween movie. The white dove looks peaceful enough; the highly sinister child, less so.

It’s not any old kid, though: that’s the titular Sheikh Russel himself, the youngest son of Bangladesh’s Father of the Nation Bangabandhu Sheikh Mujibur Rahman. He’s probably a bit gutted they didn’t choose a better picture.

All right then, what do we have here? A bleeding smiley face with too many eyes? A tribute to acclaimed graphic novel Watchmen? Two blokes trying to escape from a deflating football, as painted by Joan Miro? An acid trip gone horribly wrong? Please tell us what you had in mind – we promise it’s not a secret Rorschach test.

And fear not, Pele fans: this isn’t O Rei’s mob. This Santos side play their football in South Africa, although their previous crest featured the not-very-South-African Statue of Liberty. With that in mind, this is an improvement… probably.

In the 2015/16 campaign, Targa Mures were one of three sides deducted six points for failing to comply with Romanian licensing laws. Unrelatedly, this is their club crest.

At first FFT thought this was a badly-drawn bear wearing a suit of armour; from a distance, we still do. Closer inspection reveals an off-camera knight wielding a kebab skewer that’s been clogged up with bear head. Disembodied arm, disembodied head – whichever it is, the animal doesn’t look too happy with this state of affairs.

Proving that no team name is so ridiculous their badge can’t top it, Wikki Tourists really haven’t put any effort into this whatsoever.

We’re totally on board with having an elephant on your badge, but this is nothing more than a copy-and-paste job. What’s more, he’s let that ball run away from him – bad touch, even for a big lad.

Well then. It’s hard to find the right words to describe this crest, which features a black-and-white football wearing an extra, extra large pair of shorts.

An explanation, you cry? Well, SexyPöxyt apparently translates as ‘Sexy pants’ – which these clearly are.

There’s an awful lot going on here. Whoever created the Ecuadorian capital club’s badge clearly didn’t know when to Quito.

It’s easily broken down, though. ESPOLI denotes Escuela Superior de Policia, the police academy behind the team. The chicken refers to the club’s nickname, El Gallito, though with a rifle pointed at its head, ‘The Little Rooster’ isn’t long for the world.

And finally, the roundels represent the club’s other sporting interests, from tennis and cycling to equestrianism, something that’s presumably meant to resemble swimming and… um… interpretive dance?

Presenting: Nottingham Forest’s new crest.

Sadly not. The Tricky Trees (has anyone ever called them that?) have yet to visit San Marino for inspiration, but when they do, they’ll surely file a glowing scouting report. The trunk is solid, it’s got its eyes on the ball and its right branch seems to offer WiFi.

Question marks remain about its mobility and first touch, but this tree looks like it could do a job – as long as it doesn’t give team-mates distracting flashbacks to Lord of the Rings.

We’re not sure why the Bangladeshis have given away their tactics for nothing. Opponents must rub their hands with glee when they see a team declare, just in its logo, the intention to go all-out attack.

Still, there’s little alternative when the other side has all three of its players defending. Feni’s right-sided centre-back is so shocked by their Pulis-esque set-up that his forward runs come with exclamation marks.

You don’t come across a shuttlecock wielding a baton every day, so let’s all enjoy Free State Stars’ badge.

The South African side have certainly managed to come up with something unique and, best of all, their motto “Ea lla koto” translates as “a knobkerrie will hit you”. So don’t say you weren’t warned.

There’s no arguing that this isn’t a tremendous club crest – and yes, FC Show are a real team, dandily lighting up the murky depths of the Norwegian lower leagues. It’s extraordinarily camp, and also features at least three more footballs than is necessary.

Sadly, FC Show (real name: Siddis Sportssklubb) lose points with FFT for trying too hard. Also, we’re a bit worried that just looking at that seedy waiter has given us the clap.

What even is that? If we had to guess, we’d take a stab at an ungodly crossbreed of pig, stag and either Huey, Dewey or Louie. Throw in the poor thing's ginger hair and human-ish hands, and it’s a surprise the club motto isn’t “KIIIIILLLL MEEEE”.

Changchun Yatai are actually a top-flight outfit, so they’re no clowns – even if their mascot is.

The Northern Irish club’s logo might not seem much at first, but look at those rabbits. Look at the drawing of those rabbits. Look at this beautiful work of art.

It’s a fascinating scene. We see a baby bunny gamboling across an extremely small field, watched from the bushes by a creepy presence holding a dead Christmas tree. In the background, a monochrome dawn breaks. This is a sad tableau. A sadleau.