What do Kevin Keegan and Sousa Cintra have in common? They both suffer from âÂÂfoot-in-mouthâ syndrome and down the years have provided some one-liners that already belong to the Comedy Hall of Fame.
Colourful characters such as Keegan, Holloway and Atkison and quotes such as âÂÂThe good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the gameâ or âÂÂHeâÂÂs using his strength and that is his strength â his strength.â are popular among fans, but most people are not aware of the many, many pearls of wisdom shared by many figures in Portuguese football.
Well, if you have ever wanted to learn more about that, youâÂÂre in for a treat because the Portugeezer recently acquired a book entitled âÂÂ30 Anos de Mau Futebolâ (30 years of poor football) that contains some of the most illustrious and insightful quotes of the last 30 years.
Pull up a chair, grab some popcorn and brace yourself because here comes the PortugeezerâÂÂs top 10:
10. âÂÂThe main problem was Queiroz, not as a manager but as a person. Some people around him put him above the club, it was sick! Even if it was a sudden passion for a woman, I would understandâ¦âÂÂ
Santana Lopes, former prime-minister and Sporting president, explaining what was wrong with his club in 1996.
9. âÂÂEight goals in two matches may be a lot, but for God it is never too muchâ¦âÂÂ
Former Setúbal striker Rashid Yekini, one of the best strikers to grace the Portuguese game in the 90s, explains his goal scoring prowess with the simplest of answers.
8. âÂÂIn the dictionary of the teams managed by Artur Jorge, the word âÂÂlossâ does not existâ¦before the matchesâÂÂ
Gaffe-prone João Pinto âÂÂformer FC Porto captain âÂÂrevealed his admiration for then-manager Artur Jorge.
7. âÂÂSalgueiros defend when they donâÂÂt have the ball and attack when they have itâ¦âÂÂ
âÂÂCaptain Obviousâ Humberto Coelho in 1986 trying to describe the style employed by his Salgueiros side.
6. âÂÂWe are drug addicts of victoriesâÂÂ
Joaquim Teixeira , FC Porto assistant manager in 1998, in a very awkward way of saying his team always wanted to winâ¦
5. âÂÂMarÃÂtimo wants him? IâÂÂd also like to sleep with Claudia Schiffer but unfortunately thatâÂÂs not possibleâ¦âÂÂ
Manuel Barbosa, a prominent football agent in the 90s, about the rumoured interest from MarÃÂtimo in Benfica player Kenedy. Later in his career, Kenedy would move to MarÃÂtimo, which brings the question: has Barbosa met with Schiffer?
4. âÂÂIt is true and I donâÂÂt know why all the fuss about that. I tell my sons the same when they annoy me.âÂÂ
Fernando Pedrosa, former Vitória Setúbal supremo, when asked whether he had told his players to f*ck off! Come on, if his sons heard that, why wouldnâÂÂt the players?
3. âÂÂI believe in everything. I just donâÂÂt believe it is possible to shove an umbrella up in the ass and then open itâ¦.âÂÂ
Raul ÃÂguas, Sporting manager in 1990 trying to assure the Lions were still in the title race with the most incredible of analogies. They didnâÂÂt win it...
2. âÂÂI had a conversation with the man and the player and the latter told me I could count on the formerâ¦âÂÂ
ThatâÂÂs the textbook definition of eloquence. The poet was ÃÂlvaro Magalhães, GD Chaves manager in 1998, who was trying to say he could count on Croatian defender Denis Putnik.
1. âÂÂMark Knopfler? I donâÂÂt doubt he is a good player, but our team is already closedâÂÂ
Apparently not a big fan of the Dire Straits, Sousa Cintra, former Sporting supremo and one of the most active contributors to the book, spoke his mind about singer-turned-football player Knopfler who was going to perform at Estádio de Alvalade the following day.
This is a man who once tried to toss away a bottle of water while driving - with his window closed...
Have more funny quotes you would like to share? Then please feel free to post them! Some may forever be lost in translation, but others are definitely easier to share with our English-speaking audience!
