Monday's Good Day, Bad Day Ã¢ÂÂ Round 23
There must have been an awful lot of double parked Landrovers on Castellana, on Sunday night, as that can be the only explanation for thousands of Real Madrid fans leaving the Bernabeu World of Burberry with their side 6-0 up and with fifteen minutes still to play.
For much of the season, the same spectators happily boo and whistle when their team aren't demolishing the opposition 6-0. But when they are, they sneak out early. Worst. Fans. Ever. As Comic Book Guy would say.
This was a match when Real Madrid did not play especially brilliantly, but managed to convert nearly every chance Ã¢ÂÂ in fact, the first-half statistics showed five goals from five shots. Poor old Sergio Asenjo, the 18-year-old bright new hope for Spanish football never knew what hit him.
One thing that has been learned from the 7-0 romp is that Diarra will not be returning to the centre-back position Ã¢ÂÂ a role he played in the second half to limited success. "He has no future, there," joked Bernd Schuster.
La Liga Loca is now dreading the inevitable 'Guti and Raul for Spain' clamour from the Madrid press. TomÃÂ¡s Ã¢ÂÂneedy' Roncero has already kicked off the campaign in Monday's AS, in between listing all the friends he met at the game. He must be a nightmare on Facebook.
The Uruguayan hadn't found the back of the net in eight league and cup matches, but he made a rather timely return to the score sheet with a cheeky brace against Racing Santander on Sunday Ã¢ÂÂ his second a bit of a scorcher.
AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid needed this win, at a tough ground, like a Spaniard needs his car horn. The pressure had been mounting on poor old Javier Aguirre all week after two defeats and a draw in the league and a Copa del Rey exit Ã¢ÂÂ an exit that was probably good medicine for them, considering their flimsy Reyes-filled squad and the UEFA Cup on the horizon.
"The team needed a win to keep up their confidence," confirmed the Mexican manager, hoping that a roughing up at the Reebok on Thursday doesn't destroy this confidence like a jackhammer to a water biscuit.
Ugly, tactical, nasty and niggly appears to be the general view of Osasuna's 1-0 win over Zaragoza in Monday's press. But Cuco 'mad dog' Ziganda won't mind at all, after three defeats in four for his side.
Special mention must go to AS who had the most tenuous and rather tasteless of links in their match preview Ã¢ÂÂ two things that La Liga Loca is expert in Ã¢ÂÂ in referring to the Zaragoza coach reaching a milestone of matches managed.
"British Airways (sic) flight 609 was the big news 50 years ago in Munich, with the Manchester United team on board. The flight number 609 of Jabo Irureta in the Primera lands, this evening, in the Reyno de Navarra." Quite.
Valencia's recent run Ã¢ÂÂ two wins a row constitutes a run in their wacky world Ã¢ÂÂ has nothing to do with Ronald Koeman's brilliant plan finally coming together, but instead, David Villa sensing a move to the Premiership and getting his footballing act together.
The striker now has three in two, although the papers claim that his first on Sunday came from a foul whilst the side's second was a handball assist from el Guaje. There can be no such doubts over his third, though, a sweetly taken free-kick that Ronaldinho can only dream about, at the moment.
The tendency in Spain for new managers to get a win in their first game, before losing the rest and being sacked, continues with Recreativo's Manolo Zambrano leading his side to a 2-1 victory over Espanyol, at Montjuic.
The dying seconds, very offside goal from Guille Franco was just the kind of jammy luck needed by this massively inconsistent side to keep them in the Champions League places.
The myth that the dark art of goalkeeping is Brazil's weak spot is well and truly shattered with the ongoing performance of AlmerÃÂa's golden goalie. Alves has now gone 527 minutes unbeaten after shutting out Mallorca on Sunday. That's five matches in normal language.
Sevilla's latest (ex-Barcelona) find is starting to live up to the hype that is attracting the likes of Manchester United. The big shame is that he has picked up the 'big diving cheat' tendencies of many of his PizjuÃÂ¡n peers.
Although words like 'disaster' and 'suicidal' are being bandied around in the press to describe Valladolid's performance at the Bernabeu, La Liga Loca will put it's patronising head on to applaud Mendilibar's men for actually trying to win the game, unlike so many sides before them who give up as soon as they set foot on the pitch.
"We didn't put the toffee in the mouth in the first few minutes" claimed the coach in what must be the Spanish equivalent of 'sticking the ball in the back of the onion bag.'
BarÃÂ§a's recent rambling run of 1-0, 1-0, 1-1 has put the Barcelona press into such a funk that they don't know whether a draw at Sevilla is a good result or not. "Was it a point, or a great point?" mused Mundo Deportivo.
Sport were in a more apocalyptic mood when they opined that, "the goalkeeper avoided a catastrophe of biblical proportions with three key saves," equating a defeat for Barcelona with plague, earthquakes and famine. The writer is definitely not someone you want beside you in the trenches, when the revolution comes.
On Saturday night, Barcelona started brightly, promptly disappeared, before turning up for the last 10 minutes of the game to save their Catalan bacon.
Murcian fans hate/really hate relationship with referees won't have improved after losing out in the 93rd minute to an offside Villarreal goal on Saturday night. In a weekend when many of their relegation rivals won, it was a blunder they could have done without.
But that was not the only one of the match according to a going-loopy Lucas Alcaraz, "In minute seven, he ran 70 metres to warn me about protesting," said the Murcia manager, possibly giving a clue as to why the men in the middle might have it in for him, this season.
"He's a TV referee," claimed Alcaraz on Sunday's official, Velasco Carballo, "he always says after games, 'let's see it on tv." Oh dear.
Losing at home to Recreativo is never going to be a fun experience for a football fan. Especially if that fan is Paul from Barcelona.
"Totally outplayed, opposition should have had a hatful. Lucky to score and a load of so-called stars not interested. Well, enough about BarÃÂ§a, Espanyol were desperate.
Recre should have scored six in the first half alone. They thoroughly deserved their victory. If Clemente and Lacruz are Primera Liga players then so am I. They are worth a goal start for the opposition. Only Lola and Rufete can hold their heads up today.
Reira was back to his Man City form (well done City fans, by the way.) At least Jarque made the defence look a bit more solid when he came on in the second half. Luis Garcia had his worst game for us. Casilla is a liability despite two good saves second half.
Torrejon is half the player without Jarque next to him. With our best three players out (Jarque,Tamudo,Zabaleta ) we look awful.
Jonathan Soriano was carried off after two minutes after an accidental collision with Recre's keeper. Recre's players reacted fabulously to get the medics on the pitch but destroyed this good image by diving and time wasting for the next 88 mins. Recre nearly scored at will for the next 43 mins.
Two goals from crap defending gave them a boost but debutante Ewerthon scored a tap in. He didn't do a lot else. Reira missed a sitter which would have given us a totally undeserved point.
1. Some serious soul searching is needed. Turning up doesn't get you three points.
2. Usual bad refereeing and the linesmen were worse.
3. 25 Recre fans. Well done chaps. You travel across Spain and some clubs can't even bring fans across the city.
Sevilla next week. God help us. Thank God we have enough points not to get relegated."
Levante may have sneaked a point against a lamentable Athletic Bilbao had their keeper not opted for booting the ball straight to the opposition, who promptly scored with a header from Llorente. Things continue to go from bad to worse for La Liga's bottom dwellers.
The ongoing absence of Pedro Munitis is starting to take hold at Racing, who have now won just one in five.
You can catch La Liga Loca claiming Robinho was offside for the first goal on Real Madrid TV's 'Extra Time' at 22.05 (UK time) and repeated throughout the week.