We've laid on 20 footballers – and all you have to do is pick out their funky middle names from the options below.
(What do you mean you don't have unprecedented access to Premier League stars' birth records? Pah.)
Anyway, see how many of them you can recall from commentary murmurings, tittering tweets – and even the odd reveal in a FourFourTwo interview (here's looking at you, Kevin Davies). If anything, you'll simply want to get to the end to see which former England man has 'Jance' for an unlikely middle name.
As ever, we want to hear how you get on @FourFourTwo on Twitter – we'll be retweeting your scores as long as you don't blab the answers to everyone else. Then drop a line to your pals to see how they get on.
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