1 February 2006
"He was a great player, and what a mullet he had - he makes my team for that alone"
1 February 2006
"Have I ever eaten bulls' testicles? No. But I have eaten bulls’ ears..."
1 November 2005
"My ambitions? To win the Champions League, the Premier League and to be England coach"
1 November 2005
"I was sick in a pork pie hat. Filled it to the brim"
14 September 2005
"I would like to say I play like Thierry Henry, but I'm probably closer to Darren Huckerby..."
1 June 2005
"I sold a photo to a lady who thought I was a chef"
1 December 2004
"When I was working in a sausage factory, he was one of the first players to catch my eye"
1 November 2004
"I'm in bed. Wi' nowt on"
5 October 2004
"Roberto Carlos is deformed, isn't he? Two of my thighs stuck together would make one of his"
1 January 2004
"Of course I don't remember it, you bitch. Ha ha!"


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