BotN: Adkins admits to 'worst possible start' while fleeing angry dog

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The men from St Mary's haven't made a happy return to the Premier League thus far, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson explains...

Southampton manager Nigel Adkins has confessed he couldn’t have had a worse start to the new Premier League campaign, while dodging the jaws of a savage hunting hound during a curtailed press conference this afternoon.

The fixture list was far from kind to Southampton, but even the most modest of expectations have so far proven too great. Saturday’s 6-1 trouncing at the hands of Arsenal has left the Premier League newcomers without a point to their name and with a big fat 16 in the goals against column, prompting Sky Sports to put an ‘R’ alongside their name as a ‘time saving measure’.

It all adds up to Southampton’s worst start since the 1911-12 season, when their only copy of the fixture list was rendered illegible after being left in the chairman’s pocket when his trousers went in the wash, forcing the team to travel to every other league ground on match-day each week in the hope of finding their opponents.

To add to the Saints’ woes, talented forward Guly do Prado has been charged with drink driving, and now manager Adkins is facing an energy-sapping pursuit by a tireless opponent.

“We always knew that we would be up against it,” Adkins told while hopping beyond the reach of the bloodhound’s jaws.

“But that said, I have been disappointed. I set a target that we would at least have a point by now, or have conceded fewer than 15 goals, or would have a kit that people recognise as ours and none of those things have happened.”

While Adkins is trying to remain positive, many feel that his squad is thin on top-level players and that the 47-year-old doesn’t have what it takes to outrun a four-year-old bloodhound.

“He’s got a decent bite in there,” Adkins admitted, twisting his leg in a vain attempt to release the bloodhound’s vice-like grip. “But there’s an awful lot of the season to go and, likewise, there’s an awful lot of Nigel Adkins still to be consumed.”

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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