BotN: Relieved Messi admits he lost Ballon d’Or trophy years ago

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Barcelona star makes shocking admission to Back of the Net's John Foster... 

After being awarded the Ballon d’Or for the fourth consecutive year, Lionel Messi has spoken of his ‘pride, happiness, and heartfelt relief’ that he will have at least one more year to locate the trophy he misplaced at some point in 2010.

Messi pipped longtime rival Cristiano Ronaldo and clubmate Andrés Iniesta to the trophy, gaining 40% of the vote. He admitted, however, that the fact 60% of the voters believed that the gong should have gone either to scampering hypnotist Iniesta or simpering cruiserweight Ronaldo made him a little anxious that they knew something was up.

“I can’t blame people for being suspicious,” Messi told FourFourTwo. “I’m sure they just want to check I’m taking good care of it. Well, it was looking great in 2010.”

Messi has taken to spending most of his free time away from the training ground looking for the solid gold trophy, awarded every year since 1956 to the best player in the world.

"I'm sure I left that thing in here somewhere..."

“I’d love to be out crashing expensive cars and chasing supermodels, but that thing’s not going to find itself,” he said. “At some point that steroided ferret-man [Ronaldo] is bound to win it, and he’s going to smother me to death with body lotion if I don’t hand it over.”

“I thought I’d found it a week ago, but it turned out to be my four Champions League top goalscorer trophies that had clumped together in a box. Maybe this year I’ll get round to putting them on the wall.”

There was also controversy around FIFA’s Best Goal trophy, which was won by Fenerbahce’s Miroslav Stoch. As he collected the award, Stoch was knocked unconscious by a pool cue flung at him from forty metres away by an infuriated Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Editor's note: this is satire and not a serious accusation - all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid. 

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