The masses rejoice as Jose slips up
It's back, it's back - Tim Stannard's Good Day, Bad Day is back for a whole new season of La Liga action! Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell people you're totally indifferent towards...
There are very few things the Socialist Worker-buying, bra-burning LLL loves more than watching very rich, very impatient people looking very unhappy.
So it was a good weekend in la Liga indeed for the blog, with the presidential balconies at the Mallorca and MÃÂ¡laga stadiums stuffed with suffering suits with those clenched-jawed Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve spent lots of money, this shouldnÃ¢ÂÂt be happening, who can I complain to, can the king doing anything about this?Ã¢ÂÂ looks on their faces, as Real Madrid could only manage a goalless draw in the Balearics and MÃÂ¡laga were vanquished by Valencia.
Oh the rain-on-your-wedding day irony of Villa scoring his first league goal for Barcelona with a looping header from a Dani Alves cross - the kind of chance that the now-departed Zlatan Ibrahimovic would have loved. Although he would probably have tried to kung-fu kick the ball into the back of the net before landing on his arse, no doubt.
But any-hoo...it was a Sunday afternoon drive, 20 mile-an-hour, 1000-car tailback of a performance from Barcelona - but still very good, mind. However, it didnÃ¢ÂÂt need to be anything more after Leo Messi squashed RacingÃ¢ÂÂs spirit with a goal after just three minutes.
This has left BarÃÂ§a-based Ã¢ÂÂSportÃ¢ÂÂ already chuckling away to themselves at MadridÃ¢ÂÂs Ã¢ÂÂfiascoÃ¢ÂÂ and the 3-0 victory for PepÃ¢ÂÂs Dream Boys. Ã¢ÂÂThis league has the colour of the blaugrana,Ã¢ÂÂ hums a happy Josep Maria Casanovas.
Out of the three newly-promoted sides in la Primera, La Real had by far the best performance this weekend - well, they won for a start unlike HÃÂ©rcules and Levante - but appeared to be zippy and zappy, pingy and pangy and scored a lovely goal against Villarreal when former yellow-belly striker, Joseba Llorente, back-squiffed a ball to Xabi Prieto for the winner.
The Valencia winger is goofy, fluffy, lovable character and is now wearing David VillaÃ¢ÂÂs number seven for the Mestalla men, this season. And he cut a similar jib to his former team-mate - aside from the overly-gelled hair and stupid mini-beard thing - with a brace against MÃÂ¡laga (although one of his strikes was a bit Lampard-esque to be fair, i.e. deflection assisted).
JoaquÃÂnÃ¢ÂÂs two cheeky goals equal his league tally from the last campaign and settles Valencia into the new season very nicely indeed.
After being dumped out of the Champions League before they had a chance to even finish dusting off their passports, the football could have gone very Pete Tong for Sevilla in their first league clash of the season. Fortunately, their opening affair was against Levante and was as simple as Sergio Ramos.
Alvaro Negredo played from the start and celebrated scoring a penalty - yes, just a penalty - like the prune he is by running away from goal jamming the ball up his jersey because he has apparently managed to knock someone up, kissing his wrists as he saw Thierry Henry doing it once and pointing to his badge. Tool.
Whack. Hoof. Goal. AthleticÃ¢ÂÂs Champions League qualifying campaign gets off to a flyer (sort of) with a 1-0 win away at HÃÂ©rcules who, according to forward Tote, were Ã¢ÂÂgiven a lesson of what itÃ¢ÂÂs like in La PrimeraÃ¢ÂÂ.
Look at that! Three goals from Espanyol and three goals for Paul from Barcelona, who must have thought he had chowed down on some magic mushrooms with his pre-match tapas.
Ã¢ÂÂSo hello again to all. The first match of the season throws up all sorts of weird and wonderful things. For me it was that Espanyol have moved motorcycle parking to behind a brand new shopping centre which is next to the ground. When you've seen one group of chain stores under one roof you've seen a mall...
"Getafe in brighter orange kit started the brighter, obviously, but then Espanyol came more into it and when Verdu dispossessed Boateng to set Callejon free, he squared it to Osvaldo who tapped into a empty net.
"Espanyol dominated for the rest of the half. It was no surprise when Osvaldo doubled the lead pouncing on another defensive error to make it 2-0. Espanyol then went to sleep and allowed Getafe back into it.
"They pulled a goal back after Manu's crossed was turned into his own by Galan. The turning point was when Cowabunga Colunga hit the post and the rebound was gathered by Alvarez when it could have gone to a Getafe forward. The final goal came from Datalo and a breakaway and he too tapped into a empty net to make it 3-1.
"20 Getafe fans, a poor ref, a useless linesman and damn hot weather were other points of note. MOM Javi Marquez (Espanyol) - this boy is a star. Getafe were poor. Probably the worst Getafe team I've seen. They should be ok though but seriously need a striker. Paul, Barcelona"
Another performance without width, speed or any tactical adjustment from the Chilean manager, who must be fast running out of time on the Santiago Bernabeu bench after only managing a drab goalless draw against a team bereft of their best players and in administration...hang on...heÃ¢ÂÂs what?....really?...when?....JosÃÂ© Mourinho in charge?...the same very same Mourinho who Marca said on Friday Ã¢ÂÂhas everything: leadership, personality, psychological skills and is so natural?
But incapable of conjuring up a win in San Moix it would appear, something that Pellegrini himself did in May after his version of Madrid tonked Mallorca 4-1.
Gonzalo HiguaÃÂn, Cristiano Ronaldo
A fine 90 minute display of shooting instead of passing and squandering of chances by the pair.
Depor get the season off to a stunning start with a goalless draw at home to Zaragoza. The side really is the football equivalent of The Human Centipede. Only the most deranged or downright strange would ever want to pay to watch them.
Carlos Aranda and Walter Pandiani both up front and no goals scored. WhoÃ¢ÂÂd have thunk it?
Off to their usual, dreadful start to the season.
More from La Liga Loca