The one factor that unites Real Madrid, Athletic Bilbao and Barcelona - aside from notoriously touchy fans - is their presidential system of management.
Every few years in the lives of these three democratic lighthouses, an election is demanded by the clubâÂÂs statutes - or a judge in some cases - and the members reluctantly vote for one of several middle-aged lawyers in suits who all offer a Smorgasbord of promises that they will eventually break.
In some cases, this can be fairly beneficial. Athletic Bilbao âÂÂsociosâ voted for Fernando GarcÃÂa Macau, a middle-aged lawyer in a suit, who appears to be sticking to the clubâÂÂs laudable traditions, whilst trying to survive in the dog-eat-dog world of modern football.
But in others, it can lead to shame and embarrassment and Nelson style âÂÂha-haâÂÂs!â such as Real MadridâÂÂs highly entertaining presidential poll two years ago that involved judicial interference, the police visiting the Bernabeu, Roger Cook style hidden camera exposés into vote-rigging and a number of arrests.
The winner, in the getting-around-10%-of-the-vote sense of the word, was blog superstar Ramón Calderón, a middle-aged lawyer in a suit who happened to have the 40 odd million euro deposit required - what a fine democratic, everyman tradition - and his own law firm to ease him over the finishing line in first place.
Along with jewel-encrusted presidential throne, Calderón not only got his hands on the joystick of one of the biggest footie clubs in the world but the chance to ponce about and pontificate for a good four years.
Barely a week goes by without the Real Madrid president off on a trip to a luxury location to promote the interests of the club, or - as some more cynical would suggest, and La Liga Loca is certainly not one of them - promote the interests of Ramón Calderón.
Over the weekend, the Madrid magnate gave a speech at a conference in London that was organised by the Economist magazine, then it was a return to Madrid for a moan about refereeing conspiracies. On Monday, Calderón was in Israel for the 10th annual meeting of the Simon Peres for Peace organisation.
The globe-trotting Ramón is due to return to the polls in 2010, but has yet to confirm whether his waistline can withstand another four years of lunches in London or tapas in Tel Aviv.
While Sport insist that Florentino Perez is planning to return to the sporting spotlight - without a shred of evidence - only one man has raised his hand in the air to say âÂÂyes, I am a promise-breaking, egomaniac, power hungry loon with a dubious business past that has a desperate desire to have millions hanging on my every wordâ - all the requirements of a Bernabeu bigwig.
Eagle-eyed readers will remember the name of Juan Villalonga, but in relation to Valencia. Over the summer he was the president / chairman of the club - the role was never defined - for a 16-day period before being kicked out by Juan Soler after claiming the institution was skint and close to death.
âÂÂHe created a climate of lies in the media, false promises and demagoguery,â read an official club statement, almost admiringly.
For the reported 10 million euros he received for the tough two-and-a-bit weeks of work, Villalonga was rumoured to have planned the sacking of Unai Emery and the installation of Luis Aragonés.
In subsequent interviews, Villalonga has claimed that he also blocked the sale of Silva to Real Madrid and helped in the negotiations to offload Robinho to Manchester City.
He also declared that he would be watching Valencia closely and was reportedly planning a return to the club with a 75.7 million euro bid for its ownership.
âÂÂI will never abandon my struggle and I will keep going so I can reach the place that history has for me,â said the former Telefonica boss not sounding at all mad.
After quickly growing bored of this particular promise, Villalonga had a brief flirtation with Getafe but announced last week on Spanish radio that the job he really, really, really wants is the Real Madrid presidency.
Villalonga answered the pertinent point that why would someone who claimed that his dream was to be Valencia president want to come to Castle Greyskull.
âÂÂReal Madrid is my first team and my second is Valencia,â insisted socio number 15,940 and someone who tried and failed to buy Liverpool in 2006, according to El Pais.
And his style of leadership? âÂÂThe model to copy is Florentino Perez,â said Villalonga with a straight face, âÂÂheâÂÂs a reference point.âÂÂ
On the economic side, Villalonga promised to double the clubâÂÂs income and run it like a multinational. Perhaps in the same way he ran Telefonica, a company he resigned from after accusations of insider trading.
Villalonga also claimed that it would take him just 10 minutes to persuade Zidane to run the Madrid youth scheme and that âÂÂMessi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaká are players who should always play for Real Madrid.âÂÂ
On paper he fits all the requirements detailed above to be the boss of the Bernabeu - an egomaniac with the attention span of a sardine (Liverpool, Valencia, Getafe), complete lack of understanding of football (love of Florentino Perez, failure to comprehend that no one wants to play for Madrid), dodgy business past and someone with a history of breaking promises.
Maybe Ramón Calderón is not so bad after all, Real Madrid fans?
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