20. The Mouse - Roberto Ayala
Perhaps not the type of nickname a rugged centre-half would choose for themselves, former Argentina defender Ayala had El Raton bestowed on him on account of his height: at 5ft 10in, he was relatively small for a player in his position.
Not that his size held him back. The Mouse played 115 times for his country and won league titles with both Milan and Valencia, setting traps for opposition strikers wherever he went.
19. The Divine Ponytail – Roberto Baggio
A pretty self-explanatory nickname, Baggio earned the tag Il Divin Codino due to his trademark haircut and adherence to Buddhism. The forward chopped the ponytail off after moving to Bologna in 1997, but remains well known for a style he sported for the majority of his career.
18. The Pitbull - Edgar Davids
An all-action, energetic midfielder who routinely covered every blade of grass, Davids revealed to FFT that he was christened "The Pitbull" by Louis van Gaal during his time at Ajax.
"He said that on the defensive side, I was always on the forward – at his ankles" the Dutch midfielder said of his former boss. The Pitbull certainly obeyed his managers' order to "give me everything tonight".
17. The Tiger – Radamel Falcao
Predatory instincts? Strong and muscular? An endangered species? There are certainly several similarities between the big-cat species and Monaco striker Falcao, an old-fashioned goal-poacher who does his best work inside the penalty area.
Former River Plate team-mate Gonzalo Luduena claimed credit for the Colombian's nickname, explaining that its roots lie in an Argentinian man-of-the-match award sponsored by Esso Tiger, which Falcao once won after helping River claw their way to victory against Huracan.
16. The Octopus – Fernando
Cephalopodic connections with football has increased in recent years, largely due to the predictions of Paul (R.I.P.) at the 2006 World Cup. Manchester City midfielder Fernando was likened to an eight-armed mollusc when he repeatedly repelled Cristiano Ronaldo while playing for Porto in 2009, although accusations that he lacks a backbone are rather unfair.
15. The Water Carrier - Didier Deschamps
Deschamps' alternative moniker could be seen as a negative, yet every team needs a water carrier: someone who is willing to do the dirty work and free up more talented players to affect the game in the final third. It's safe to say Eric Cantona didn't intend it as a compliment, though.
"Deschamps gets by because he always gives 100 per cent, but he will never be anything more than a water carrier," the then-Manchester United man spat in 1996. Now don't drop those bottles, Didier...
14. The Tractor - Javier Zanetti
A tireless midfield runner who got up and down the pitch for 90 minutes, Zanetti was first christened "The Tractor" during his early years in Argentina. The 2010 Champions League winner was a model of consistency throughout his time with Inter; sadly for Ipswich, there was to be no late-career move to Portman Road.
13. Little Pea – Javier Hernandez
Hernandez is so fond of his nickname that he wears it on the back of his shirt. Chicarito, meaning "Little Pea" in Spanish, was a tag handed down to the West Ham striker from his father, a Mexico international who was known as "Pea" for his piercing green eyes. We can only guess how small the pea in question will be if the nickname is also inherited by Hernandez's son.
12. Double Trigger - Jason McAteer
In the 1990s, every team had a Trigger: the player judged the least sharp tool in the shed, ceremoniously christened after the dimwit Only Fools and Horses sitcom character. When McAteer joined Liverpool, they already had a Trigger - Rob Jones - but the new boy showed such promise that they took his nickname to a new level.
Ex-Republic of Ireland man McAteer is, after all, the man who allegedly greeted snooker legend Jimmy White with a darts-based cry of "One hundred and eighty!". He has also admitted that when he was asked if he wanted a whole pizza cut into four or eight, "I said four because I'd never eat all of it."
11. The Noodle – Angel Di Maria
Di Maria's nickname relates to his skinny, wiry frame, not because he goes soft when they heat is turned up. The PSG and Argentina attacker isn't the bulkiest but it's still not easy to knock him off the ball, although with his injury record he does carry a reputation for being a little too brittle – not unlike an uncooked noodle.
10. The Son of the Wind - Claudio Caniggia
A part of the Diego Maradona-inspired forward line which helped Argentina to the World Cup final in 1990, Caniggia's raw pace saw him anointed El Hijo del Viento back in his homeland.
Capable of running 100 metres in 11 seconds, the winger later brought his searing speed to Scotland (no stranger to strong winds), turning out for Dundee and Rangers between 2000 and 2003.
9. The Wardrobe – Papa Bouba Diop
Standing 6ft 5in tall and almost as wide, Bouba Diop became known as "The Wardrobe" during his three years with Fulham in the mid-2000s. On his day, the Senegalese man-mountain was unbeatable in the middle of the park, although his nickname does hint at a relative lack of mobility - and there's no truth to the rumour that you can climb through him to reach Narnia.
8. The Lawnmower - Nigel de Jong
Former Manchester City and Milan man De Jong was referred to as "The Lawnmower" at Hamburg due to his ability to chop down everything in his path. The midfield destroyer occasionally went rogue, though, lifting himself off the grass and, er, intervening elsewhere - like Xabi Alonso's chest during the 2010 World Cup Final.
7. Little Aeroplane – Vincenzo Montella
Montella scored plenty of goals for Sampdoria and Roma (less so during a later loan spell at Fulham), so his aeroplane-mimicking celebration became a familiar sight to Serie A fans throughout the 1990s.
Now manager of Milan, Montella is aiming to help the Rossoneri refuel and take flight after a period of turbulence. Sorry.
6. Tarzan - Carles Puyol
The long-haired, aggressive Puyol always stood out among Pep Guardiola's band of technical, tiki-taka merchants, with the full-blooded centre-back certainly bearing a resemblance to the heroic adventurer created by Edgar Rice Burroughs.
Mercifully, though, Puyol conducted most of his business wearing more than just a loincloth.
5. The Atomic Ant – Sebastian Giovinco
At just 5ft 4in Giovinco is unlikely to win many aerial duels, but his speed and non-stop running make him football's closest thing to Hanna-Barbera's cartoon superhero, Atom Ant – a nickname he acquired in his youth.
Ants can carry up to 50 times their own body weight, which is just as well given how much Toronto have relied upon the Italian since his transatlantic move in 2015: MLS Newcomer of the Year, MLS MVP Award, MLS Golden Boot, MLS Top Assist Provider, most combined goals/assists in any MLS season, first MLS player ever to top both goals and assists charts… you get the picture.
4. The Lettuce - Carlos Roa
A 16-time Argentina international, the religious Roa is better known for his ill-fated decision to quit the game in 1999 due to his belief that the end of the world was near. Realising his timing had been a little off, the Argentine goalkeeper - whose veganism saw him labelled "The Lettuce" by team-mates - returned less than a year later.
3. Snowflake the Gorilla - Ronald Koeman
An albino gorilla known as Snowflake was a major tourist attraction in Barcelona between his arrival in 1966 and death in 2003, with thousands of people visiting the city's zoo to pay their respects when he passed away at the age of 40. The strawberry-blonde Koeman, who won six major honours while representing Barcelona, was likened to the gorilla, who fathered 22 babies during his time in the Catalan capital.
2. Bull of the Bosphorus – Hakan Sukur
One of the greatest Turkish footballers of all time, Sukur displayed enough muscularity and aggression to earn comparisons with a bull, while his birthplace of Adapazari in northwest Turkey - close to the Bosphorus waterway - added some lovely alliteration to his nickname. The fact he regularly ran rings around defenders helped, too.
1. The Little Witch – Juan Sebastian Veron
The ex-Manchester United man has his dad to blame for this one: Juan Ramon Veron was known as "The Witch" during his playing days, so Veron Jr.'s nickname was predetermined.
The catalyst for United's controversial move away from a rigid 4-4-2, the Argentine certainly cast a spell over Sir Alex Ferguson, who famously defended the struggling midfielder by labelling a room of critical journalists "f***ing idiots".
Greg Lea is a freelance football journalist who's filled in wherever FourFourTwo needs him since 2014. He became a Crystal Palace fan after watching a 1-0 loss to Port Vale in 1998, and once got on the scoresheet in a primary school game against Wilfried Zaha's Whitehorse Manor (an own goal in an 8-0 defeat).