BotN: Manchester United confirm Nemanja Vidic ready for new injury

The burly Serb is set for another spell in the physio room, as Back of the Net's John Foster reports...

Manchester United have confirmed that club captain Nemanja Vidic, having shaken off a persistent knee problem, is fighting fit and ready for a return to the treatment table.

Vidic underwent a operation on his right knee in September after sustaining a knock in his side’s 1-0 win over Galatasaray. He had been set to return early last month, but chose instead to suffer an unexpected setback, telling journalists that he felt he had “unfinished business” with the knee.

“It’s important to concentrate on one thing at a time,” the 31-year-old Serb told FourFourTwo. “Why bother dislocating your shoulder if you can’t put any weight on your left foot? I have a personalised injury programme that means I’m never more than two weeks from full fitness, and never less than two weeks either.”

"Hello, me again..."

“It is my quest to truly know every sinew of myself,” he continued. “My body is a temple, a palace, and it is my duty to explore its perfumed halls, to study its wonders as though they were treasures of porcelain and filigree, and to smash them into tiny pieces.”

Vidic is understood to have targeted the left groin muscle for his next injury, though other body parts have been mentioned too, notably his right ankle and his coccyx.

“Nemanja’s had a fairly trouble-free coccyx to date, so it makes sense to give it a closer look,” said Manchester United chief physio Rob Swire. “Many players don’t even think about their coccyx, but Nemanja takes his injuries seriously. When he breaks something, which he does a lot, it’s a clean break, which makes my job that much easier.”

Vidic confirmed that he plans to return for the FA Cup third round tie against West Ham, when he hopes to strain a face muscle in the warm-up while snarling.

Editor's note: this is satire and not a serious accusation - all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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