The burly Serb is set for another spell in the physio room, as Back of the Net's John Foster reports...
Manchester United have confirmed that club captain Nemanja Vidic, having shaken off a persistent knee problem, is fighting fit and ready for a return to the treatment table.
Vidic underwent a operation on his right knee in September after sustaining a knock in his sideÃ¢ÂÂs 1-0 win over Galatasaray. He had been set to return early last month, but chose instead to suffer an unexpected setback, telling journalists that he felt he had Ã¢ÂÂunfinished businessÃ¢ÂÂ with the knee.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs important to concentrate on one thing at a time,Ã¢ÂÂ the 31-year-old Serb told FourFourTwo. Ã¢ÂÂWhy bother dislocating your shoulder if you canÃ¢ÂÂt put any weight on your left foot? I have a personalised injury programme that means IÃ¢ÂÂm never more than two weeks from full fitness, and never less than two weeks either.Ã¢ÂÂ
"Hello, me again..."
Ã¢ÂÂIt is my quest to truly know every sinew of myself,Ã¢ÂÂ he continued. Ã¢ÂÂMy body is a temple, a palace, and it is my duty to explore its perfumed halls, to study its wonders as though they were treasures of porcelain and filigree, and to smash them into tiny pieces.Ã¢ÂÂ
Vidic is understood to have targeted the left groin muscle for his next injury, though other body parts have been mentioned too, notably his right ankle and his coccyx.
Ã¢ÂÂNemanjaÃ¢ÂÂs had a fairly trouble-free coccyx to date, so it makes sense to give it a closer look,Ã¢ÂÂ said Manchester United chief physio Rob Swire. Ã¢ÂÂMany players donÃ¢ÂÂt even think about their coccyx, but Nemanja takes his injuries seriously. When he breaks something, which he does a lot, itÃ¢ÂÂs a clean break, which makes my job that much easier.Ã¢ÂÂ
Vidic confirmed that he plans to return for the FA Cup third round tie against West Ham, when he hopes to strain a face muscle in the warm-up while snarling.
Editor's note: this is satire and not a serious accusation - all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
More from Back of the NetReal Madrid to leave Jose Mourinho at the end of the seasonMark Hughes sacked and sacked againGiovinco booked for head-removing celebration during Juventus winLast gasp Zlatan Ibrahimovic goal 'definitely worth four goals'Warnock literally kicking every ball, Leeds United players complainUnlikely Celtic win reminds world how close it came to a Romney presidency