When Martin Hansson â or âÂÂthe SwedeâÂÂ, as many papers are spitting on Wednesday morning, as if his nationality was relevant in some way â signalled for a penalty against Atlético described on Radio 5 as âÂÂthe softestâÂÂ, La Liga Loca had a funny feeling that the decision would be about as popular in SpainâÂÂs sporting press as Lewis Hamilton.
âÂÂI imagine that Platini and co will be spending the week in forums for those who love conspiracies,â sighed a weary and deflated Iñaki DÃÂaz-Guerra in AS.
And judging by a quick glance at the kingdom of the crazies, the land of the loonies, the abode of the bewildered and bothered â otherwise known as Marca â itâÂÂs clear that the paper felt the Gallic touch of a certain Frenchman during TuesdayâÂÂs Anfield outrage.
âÂÂAnother theft from Platini,â screamed MarcaâÂÂs front page. âÂÂNo Torres, no Agüero and no shame!â raged the match report. âÂÂAlthough Atlético were robbed, they leave with their heads held high,â chin-jutted the paperâÂÂs editorial â and for once it wasnâÂÂt talking about their Scouse hosts' somewhat unfortunate reputation for light-fingeredness.
Look! He's with Calderon! That proves it!
Atlético Madrid are hopping mad. And they are going to stay hopping mad longer than the most rootinâÂÂ, tootinâ Republican rustler in the West. âÂÂFirst they close the Calderón, then they take away our coach for two games, now they give a penalty that never was,â raged an almost skeletal Francisco Pernia, whose lunch money is surely being nicked by Maniche.
ItâÂÂs a position even Steven Gerrard had sympathy with. âÂÂIf it happened the other end, we would be livid,â confessed the Scouse skipper in a delayed display of honesty.
Barcelona also came out of their Champions League encounter with just one measly point to show for their eveningâÂÂs efforts, this time against against Basel. And yet again, the result has brought out the worst in those Catalan crackpots at Mundo Deportivo and Sport â the latter of which ran a campaign on Tuesday to get fans to the stadium, promising another win.
âÂÂThis should serve as lessonâÂÂ, wrote LluÃÂs Mascaro, impossibly smug while back-pedalling. âÂÂThere is no such thing as a small enemy.â And thatâÂÂs a message that Pep Guardiola and Joan Laporta have been trying to spread for some time, whilst those empty-headed numbskulls in the local press were busying themselves trying to find a suitably pompous name for their now fallen angels.
Basel faulty: What's the Catalan word for "hubris"?
On the subject of professional idiocy, Ramón Calderón has made his move in the latest round of ping-pong paranoia that the potty pumped-up president has been playing with Laporta.
Having had a bit of a lie-down and bed bath after last ThursdayâÂÂs rather public breakdown, Calderón went on Spanish radio to continue his increasingly childish but incredibly funny spat with Sir Alex Ferguson â a clash where there can be only one, Scottish, winner.
âÂÂHeâÂÂs a little envious of the nine European Cups we have won,â boasted Calderón, stretching the word âÂÂweâ to breaking point. âÂÂHe sees that the trophies did not go to him and that he wonâÂÂt have time to obtain themâÂÂ, continued raving Ramón.
On a bit of a roll, Madrid's main man then set his sights on his arch enemy, Florentino Perez â a man who reportedly fancies a return to the expense account-funded fun to be had at Castle Greyskull: âÂÂHe's the one who abandoned the club and allowed there to be four presidents in six months!â cursed Calderon.
Of course, the present incumbent would never do anything so rash. Aside from sack a title-winning manager of course... and drive David Beckham from the club... and...
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