The players of Watford and Sunderland are to watch a video for ninety minutes instead of being forced to fulfil their scheduled fixture, the Premier League has announced.
With nothing to play for on the final day of the campaign, the twenty-two players and staff are to spend the afternoon watching a film so long as they promise to sit quietly and not be disruptive.
Sunderland captain John O’Shea said: “The season’s over, we’ve passed our exams, just, and now we just want to watch a DVD and not pretend to care about three more pointless points.
“I’d be up for Goal!, or maybe Goal 2: Living The Dream. Or possibly Goal 3: Taking On The World. But the ref will blatantly make us watch Escape To Victory again, just like last season.”
Referee Kevin Friend said: “At this stage of the season, it’s impossible to get anyone to concentrate.
“They’re already thinking about their summer holidays, so why force them to go through the motions? It’s a shame to have to hand out suspensions on the final day because someone stole the assistant’s flag.”
Hornets fan Jill Blake said: “If you think watching twenty-two players watching a film sounds dull, you’ve not been following Watford since March.”
Elsewhere in the league, Southampton are preparing to play various end-of-season pranks on Ronald Koeman, while Stoke City’s clash with West Ham United has been designated mufti day, with both teams turning up in fancy dress.
Please note: This fictional news story is not real. But you already knew that, right?
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