Chelsea captain John Terry is standing tall, as Back of the Net's John Foster explains...
Former England captain John Terry last night announced his retirement from international football, in a move that has been unanimously hailed as âÂÂinspirationalâ and âÂÂcharacteristically brave.âÂÂ
Terry read out his statement personally before the media, his upper lip quivering with courage while patriotic tears rolled slowly down his lion-hearted cheeks.
âÂÂThe FAâÂÂs decision to continue making me the first name on the teamsheet despite these allegations portrays a shameful lack of trust in me,â the Chelsea stalwart told reporters. âÂÂThe only honourable thing to do in response is to throw a massive flouncy strop.
âÂÂI always said I would never turn my back on England,â he continued, from the deck of Roman AbramovichâÂÂs yacht off the Dover coast, âÂÂAnd by refusing to play for England, IâÂÂve shown IâÂÂm prepared to take the tough decisions before theyâÂÂre taken for me.âÂÂ
Handing Terry the armband wasn't McClaren's worst call as England boss
The timing of the announcement, which came on the eve of an FA disciplinary hearing for alleged racial abuse, provides TerryâÂÂs many supporters with further evidence that the 31-year old would never walk away from a fight, except for difficult ones.
âÂÂDespite the fact that this investigation has been on the cards since July, I decided to delay my retirement until now,â Terry continued, âÂÂBecause not ducking out of a challenge until the last second shows exactly the type of leader I am.âÂÂ
Perhaps the most impressive feature of TerryâÂÂs statement is the inspiring message it will give to young supporters across the nation, who will surely be encouraged by their idolâÂÂs petulant sense of entitlement.
âÂÂWinners never quit, except when they doâ a spokesman for the player told FourFourTwo.com. âÂÂLook, JT is a special player, and he deserves special treatment. Otherwise whatâÂÂs the point of taking part?âÂÂ
When pressed, Terry confirmed that if England are victorious in an international tournament in his lifetime, he would be prepared to end his retirement just in time for the trophy presentation.
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
More from Back of the NetAdkins admits to 'worst possible start' while fleeing angry dogDizzy Curbishley trapped on managerial merry-go-roundBenteke: IâÂÂve never heard of me eitherWest Ham report Andy Carroll now photosynthesisingQPR told thy have to sign Julio Cesar before they can sell himVan Persie accused of stealing Arsenal's shooting boots
