BotN: Lambert spends press conference speaking in iambic pentameter

The new Aston Villa manager is taking a more rhythmic approach to media matters, as Back of the Net's John Foster explains...

Fans and journalists have been lining up to praise Paul Lambert after the Aston Villa boss successfully answered all questions put to him in his midweek press conference in iambic pentameter.

Lambert won plaudits at former club Norwich for his motivational skills, his commitment to attacking football, and his facility with challenging poetic forms. But the former Scotland midfielder is well aware that his project to reintroduce pace, flair, and sonnets to Villa Park faces a significant obstacle this weekend in the form of Tottenham Hotspur.

“I like what AVB has done at Spurs,” said Lambert, in response to questions about his opposite number. “They keep their shape, Defoe’s on fire, and Jan / Vertonghen looks a signing and a half.”

“The Lane is not an easy place to come,” he continued. “But football's eleven v eleven / And all our lads will fight for every ball. / I think that anyone who writes us off / Before a ball is kicked will eat their words.”

Journalists were keen to quiz Lambert over his alleged falling-out with star striker Darren Bent, after the England hitman was dropped for Villa’s last match against West Brom. But the 43-year old Lambert denied that his relationship with the player was strained.

"If you don't like that, I've got a good one about a man from Nantucket"

“It’s simple: every player wants to play / But I thought Benteke deserved a chance / to show what he could do against West Brom. / The kid did well, and I was also pleased / with Darren’s contribution from the bench.”

Sources inside the Aston Villa dressing room say that the playing staff are pleased at the new direction the club is taking under Lambert.

“If [former manager] Alex McLeish spoke in verse at all, it was in terse, half-rhyming couplets,” young winger Marc Albrighton told FourFourTwo.com. “But it never sounded natural. Some people tried to claim that he gave interviews in freeform blank verse, but the lads know poetry when they hear it, and McLeish just gave us rambling nonsense.”

“Paul Lambert gives us art.”

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid. 

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