BotN: Postiga karaoke triumph the final straw for furious Ronaldo

The Back of the Net boys report on Denmark 2-3 Portugal

A late Silvestre Varela goal helped Portugal overcome Denmark in a five-goal thriller on Wednesday night, but star man Cristiano Ronaldo endured another frustrating evening after being outshone by Hélder Postiga for the umpteenth time this week.

Ronaldo missed a series of chances, skewing shot after shot high and wide, overhitting a number of final balls, and twice failing to hit the target when one on one with the Danish keeper. And to make matters worse for the Real Madrid man, he was once again put firmly in the shade by compatriot Hélder Postiga, who troubled Denmark’s defence all evening, and scored his side’s second with an ice-cool finish after ignoring Ronaldo’s screams for the ball.

It compounded a poor week for the ex-Manchester United star, which has seen Postiga’s attitude to training compared favourably to Ronaldo’s, Ronaldo’s long-held inter-squad Jenga record bested by Postiga, and a succession of supermodels walk straight past Ronaldo to compliment the former Tottenham forward on his appealingly sensible haircut during a team night out in Lviv.

“Cristiano has always resented Hélder,” a source in the Portugal camp, speaking on condition of anonymity, told FourFourTwo. “Hélder’s a natural leader, a brilliant conversationalist, and he makes a mean guacamole. Everyone looks up to him, which makes Cristiano insanely jealous.”

“But when Hélder beat Cristiano in a karaoke sing-off with his rendition of Chris Isaak’s Wicked Game, that was the final straw. That’s Cristiano’s favourite song. But deep down, he knows he could never compete with Hélder’s impassioned yet sensuous rendering of the 1989 surf-rock classic.”

To make matters worse for Ronaldo, Nicklas Bendtner, his longtime rival for the title of ‘world’s best player’, scored twice for Denmark in a masterful performance, finally proving his long-questioned deadliness from one yard.

“Cristiano was fuming,” the anonymous source added. “His late lunge on Daniel Agger was a desperate attempt to finally come first in something, in this case the game’s most detestable player award.”

“But tragically for him, Pepe was on the field too. And Pepe is basically football’s Pol Pot.”

More match reports from Back of the Net:GER 2-1 NED: Dutch defence, midfield, attack, kit, language the problem POL 1-1 RUS: World's top statistician works on group permutationsGRE 1-2 CZE: Samaras's failure to score only reinforces Greek belief in SamarasUKR 2-1 SWE: Fairytale for Shevchenko as he scores twice, kills wolf, rescues princessFRA 1-1 ENG: Everyone and no-one happy as England and France draw

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