Shane Long’s 70th-minute goal against Germany means the Republic of Ireland are to all intents and purposes the best team in the world, Irish sources were reporting last night.
No Irish player had touched the ball until Long’s strike secured a 1-0 victory over the World Cup holders, guaranteeing him a place in the Irish history books as the hero of World Cup 2015.
Long exploited the confusion in the German defence to fire past Manuel Neuer, while FAI administrators took advantage of FIFA’s momentary distraction with other issues to officially declare themselves champions of the world.
Replica trophy
“I’ve taken the liberty of making a replica trophy made until Germany get around to sending us the real thing,” manager Martin O’Neill told FourFourTwo. “I wrapped some tinfoil round a toby jug in the dressing room, and it’s come out looking a bit like a robot John O’Shea, which is an improvement both on the original trophy and on John himself.
"I'm pretty certain that if we played Brazil tomorrow we'd win at least 8-1,” O’Neill continued, “But that's not going to happen, because tomorrow we're all going to be sewing a star onto our shirts and going to see the President of Ireland. Which is now me, by popular acclamation. Who wants the freedom of Dublin?”
Joachim Low’s attempts to insist that Germany were still official World Cup holders were drowned out by Ireland players and fans singing We Are The Champions, and accusing him of poor sportsmanship.
O'Neill, waving the golden trophy above his head like a shillelagh, said: "If they want it back, they can come and challenge us to a game of hurling. We've got the cup and possession is nine-tenths of the law, except on a football pitch, where it clearly means the square root of buggery."
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