Raúl and Xerez - a match made in heaven

It was almost a year ago to the day that former Real Madrid president Ramón Calderón carved part of La Liga Loca’s soul out with a rusty chisel by sacking Bernd Schuster as punishment for winning the league title.

Since that moment, the blog has only had fleeting contact with the moustachioed man at the odd Getafe game.

But even that tiny pleasure has been snatched away by The Man and HIS LAWS after the day when La Liga Loca INNOCENTLY asked the beautiful Bernado for a lock of his hair and a used tissue.

But the former manager, who describes himself as being an Andalusian German - something that implies an enormous alcohol intake - is set to return to the bright lights by chipping in to buy out bottom-dwellers Xerez.

Having (and been sacked by) the struggling side between 2001 and 2003, Schuster has never forgotten his titanic time in one of the looniest corners of Spain and is reportedly fronting a consortium that will fork out €2.5 million to buy the club’s shares and save it from administration.

Marca reports that a further €3 million will then be invested over the winter transfer window to fund an armada of former Schuster favourites to help steer Xerez out of the bottom three and perhaps score the odd goal or two along the way.

Meanwhile, Schuster’s former club Real Madrid will be in action on Tuesday night in what the local papers are branding “a hell” in Marseille - although to be fair to the French club, any ground where spectators actually support their team and do more than rustle their €2000 wax jackets in irritation is considered some kind of inferno by the Madridista mob.

“They are one of the most violent supporters in Europe,” gasps Marca, failing to note where Real Madrid’s Ultras rate in this chart - ‘fans’ who reportedly took part in the violence in Vienna last Thursday during Athletic Bilbao’s Europa League clash.

Either that or the local hooligans have a perfect grasp of Spanish and a ready supply of pre-constitutional Francoist flags.

AS are complaining that the Marseille man who knacked Cristiano Ronaldo’s ankle in their Champions League fixture at the Bernabeu, Souleymane Diawara, has said that he would do the same again if required on Tuesday night.

“What really offends me is his lack of respect to Madrid, who are the Kings of Europe,” splutters a raging Tomás Roncero in reply.

Marca’s main columnist has his finger on the pulse (of a corpse) by tutting that Raúl was only used as a substitute in the Camp Nou clash and didn’t see any action at all against Almería - the first time this season that he has failed to feature in a Madrid game he was selected for.

“It was the biggest humiliation ever seen for a player, and above all a captain,” complained Gómez, who's more disappointed that there has been complete disinterest from the Madridista fraternity regarding the plight of the club captain.

“Nobody said anything, nobody protested,” ranted Roberto, perhaps unaware that that few actually give a flying fig about Raúl these days.

"...and if you can just make your way to the door over there"

El País see the sparing use of the striker as a dastardly plot from Florentino Pérez, someone who has never been a fan of the footballer, to force Raúl to break his contract a year or two early, sling his sulking hook and save the club a good €14 million a year in his salary.

“Come in No.7, your time is up” is the current vibe from Castle Greyskull, despite the protestations from Raúl’s dwindling number of supporters.

But La Liga Loca has some good news for the club captain - there may be a gig going in Xerez, a side that could use a legend at a loose end.

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