It's a tough job market, and Paul Watson reports on one hopeful's careful CV editing...
The leading candidate for PolandÃ¢ÂÂs managerial vacancy, Berti Vogts, is said to be pinning his hopes on the Polish FA forgetting that he used to manage Scotland, a detail that would probably rule him out for the post.
Ã¢ÂÂScotland didnÃ¢ÂÂt go very well,Ã¢ÂÂ admitted the Euro 96-winning coach. Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs probably best they donÃ¢ÂÂt look too closely at what happened. ThereÃ¢ÂÂs a reason itÃ¢ÂÂs not on the CV.Ã¢ÂÂ
During his ill-fated 30 months in charge, Vogts led Scotland to its lowest ever FIFA ranking and recorded a number of demoralizing results, including reversals against Hungary (0-3) and Wales (0-4), along with a 2-2 draw with St Kilda, an uninhabited island in the Hebrides.
Indeed, the Tartan Army registered a mere 25% win ratio under Vogts, despite the ostensibly sensible policy of filling the team with non-Scots, who were statistically likely to be better footballers.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm rather relying on the Poles remembering Euro 96, and then ignoring everything I did subsequently in my career,Ã¢ÂÂ Vogts continued. Ã¢ÂÂBayer Leverkusen sacked me after six months, Nigeria after a year. The Kuwait job went even worse than Scotland. Here, look at my Euro 96 winnerÃ¢ÂÂs medal.Ã¢ÂÂ
Berti and adoring fans in 2004
Perhaps the lowest point of VogtsÃ¢ÂÂ Scotland reign was a 0-0 draw in Estonia, a game in which Scotland dominated possession but failed to register a single shot on target, despite their opponents boycotting the fixture.
Before any appointment, compensation would of course have to be agreed with VogtsÃ¢ÂÂ current employers, Azerbaijan.
Ã¢ÂÂWeÃ¢ÂÂll pay them a million euros to take him off our hands,Ã¢ÂÂ said Elkhan Mammadov, chairman of the Azerbaijani FA. Ã¢ÂÂIn the last year weÃ¢ÂÂve lost to Kazakhstan and drawn with Singapore and Andorra. The Armenians are laughing at us, and they are short-legged criminals who lie with goats.Ã¢ÂÂ
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
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