55 million euros but Kaka can't touch his nuts

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It has been a bad week for the Italian male following a high-court ruling that it is now a criminal offence to touch one’s genitals in public.

A quick grab of the privates is thought to ward off bad luck so there must have been plenty of law-breaking at the San Siro on Wednesday evening as Inter sneaked a last-gasp equaliser against AS Roma to all but end the race for the title.

The result maintained the nine-point gap the defending champions hold over the Romans at the top of the table and the papers were full of praise for Inter’s very-own super-hero, Javier Zanetti, who netted the goal.

‘Captain Scudetto’, trumpeted the headline in La Gazzetta dello Sport, adding “Zanetti comes to the rescue.”

When Nerzzurri coach Roberto Mancini had finally taken his hands out of his pocket, he admitted: “This point is as good as a win.”

He did, however, feel that a higher power had also been at work. “It was preordained that Zanetti would score because he has the most appearances for the time. It was a sign.”

Spooky stuff but nothing that Tuttosport wouldn’t be familiar with as they, of course, inhabit a parallel universe where only the exploits of Juventus exist.

Thursday’s headline, ‘An even stronger Juve’, confidently set out the club’s transfer targets.

Although Arsenal’s Mathieu Flamini may been linked with the Old Lady in the English press, those in the know at the Juve Echo dismissed the idea that the midfielder would be on the way to Turin.

In fact, the English Premier League looked off bounds for the old girl, without even a mention of those two perennial favourites Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard.

Instead the targets were closer to home, with the pick of the bunch being Palermo’s Brazilian striker Amauri, Roma midfielder Alberto Aquilani and Napoli’s Slovakian whiz-kid Marek Hamsik.

Of course, that had all changed by Friday morning and Lampard was once again Claudio Ranieri’s number one target and Bacary Sagna had replaced Flamini on the list of summer arrivals. 

Corriere dello Sport were having none of it and claimed that Ranieri would have 50 million euro tops to spend so it was back to the bargain bin again.

All three dailies did take great delight at sticking two fingers up at Real Madrid, however, gleefully splashing ‘Kaka at Milan for life’, across their front pages after the Brazilian signed a contract extension with the Rossoneri until 2013.

>‘Give it up, Real’, gloated the Corriere as they went on to reveal that the World and European Footballer of the Year will reportedly earn an impressive 55 million euros over the next five years.

Good work if you can get it.