Atlético begin navel-gazing exercise

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There’s been some soul searching down the Vicente Calderón over the past few days after Atlético’s somewhat lacklustre performance against Barcelona on Saturday night.

And this puts club president Enrique Cerezo at a slight disadvantage considering his soul was sold to Beelzebub some time ago.

And before everyone gets huffy and puffy, Cerezo is a man who holds an annual memorial ceremony to, now dead mobster and monster, Jesus Gíl - a gentleman he described as a ‘fantastic person’ in January 2007.

The film producer is also someone who only just escaped prison having been implicated in the case against Gíl and his son - Miguel Angel - which found the terrible trio guilty of financial irregularities in the running of the club.

Cerezo: "Well don't look at me, I wasn't playing..." 

Perhaps it’s for this reason that Atleti have been so heavily involved in charidee work with the local penal institutions. In fact, Cerezo received a special decoration from the Penitentiary Institution last week to reward him for the club’s efforts. Always good to have friends in the right places, the blog supposes.

The 6-1 thrashing by a bullying Barcelona has left the redneck rojiblanco leadership sitting on the porch, supping home-made lemonade and wondering where it all went wrong in the Camp Nou.

“I failed in the preparation, the team-talk, in not rearranging our attack after eight minutes...” admitted Javier Aguirre on Saturday, in a confession that went on into the early hours of Sunday morning.

Backing his boss was Antonio López who declared that “although Aguirre says it’s his fault, it’s everyone’s.”

Rather than hiding in a bunker for the next few days until the pee-taking Spanish press is distracted by Raúl opening a supermarket, Cerezo couldn’t help himself on Sunday, and manfully admitted that “I’m sorry and I ask all the fans to forgive us.”

"See ya..." Henry & co. run Atlético ragged at Camp Nou 

However, after a good night’s sleep, the rojiblanco ruler was feeling a lot more like himself and decided to pass the footballing buck onto the players the following day.

“We are all responsible,” he mused preparing the path for an accusatory conjunction, “but, in the end, the ones really responsible are those that played.”

However, not satisfied with his winding-up work, Enrique tempted a fistful of fate by predicting the outcome of the upcoming Madrid derby - a match not known for Atlético successes.

“If we always used to beat Barcelona before and now we lose and we used to lose to Madrid before, then logically we will win,” beamed Cerezo, before picking up his colouring book and humming to himself.

In even worse news for poor old Atleti, further evidence has emerged that Kun Agüero’s dalliance with Maradona’s daughter is only going to lead to very bad things.

The formerly shy striker has recorded a song with his soon-to-be father in law praising the wonderfulness of Giannina. And bloody awful it is, too.

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