BotN: Benayoun’s attempts to impress Allardyce result in general awkwardness

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The Israeli midfielder might be trying a little too hard, reveals Back of the Net's Paul Watson...

Out-of-favour West Ham midfielder Yossi Benayoun is determined to win over boss Sam Allardyce but reports suggest that the Israeli's early attempts to impress have caused widespread embarrassment.

Benayoun arrived on loan from Chelsea in the summer for his second spell with the Hammers, but has struggled for first-team football at Upton Park.

Rather than give up, the 32-year-old has resolved to endear himself to Allardyce – but according to a source in the West Ham camp, Benayoun’s methods have been misguided.

“Yossi’s determined to make Big Sam [Allardyce] notice him, but he’s not having a lot of success,” FourFourTwo’s insider explained.

“Last Thursday he turned up to training in a full tuxedo. He really looked the part but it proved completely impractical once the session got going. The manager didn’t make any mention of it at all but he did make a kind of ‘tut’ noise every time his top hat fell off.

“It was the same on Tuesday morning when Yossi’s showed off this trick where he can tell you the phone number of any name in the London phone book. Everyone was really impressed, but when he finally got to [Big Sam] Allardyce, the gaffer explained exactly how the trick is done and told everyone to get on with the warm-up.

“Yossi just looked so downcast after that, especially because he didn’t know there was a trick and had learned the entire phone book on Monday night.”

Despite resorting to more orthodox ways of impressing his manager, Benayoun still seems to be off target.

“Once again, today he spent most of training pulling off fancy flicks, inch-perfect through balls and visionary crosses, but you sure as hell don’t win over [Big] Sam [Allardyce] like that,” our source concluded.

Although West Ham are currently eighth in the table and there are 31 games remaining, the wily Allardyce has declared this weekend’s clash with Southampton a ‘six-pointer’, giving the Hammers a chance to move second in the table with a win.

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.  

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