BotN: Unlikely Celtic win reminds world how close it came to Romney presidency

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Back of the Net's John Foster reports on two very unlikely things, only one of which happened...

As the euphoria surrounding Celtic’s against-all-odds triumph over Barcelona begins to fade, observers are waking up to the sobering reality that a win for Neil Lennon’s side was far less likely than Mitt Romney becoming the new president of the United States.

Celtic were quoted at 10/1 to upset the Catalan juggernaut, significantly longer odds than the 4/1 widely available on a Republican presidential victory, a fact pundits on both sides of the Atlantic have described as “disturbing.”

“When you consider their own limitations and lack of flair, and their opponents’ vastly superior ground game, you could have forgiven both Celtic and the Republican Party for throwing in the towel straight away,” commentator Ezra Klein told FourFourTwo.

“I knew there was a possibility Romney would do it. I just never realized that that possibility might become reality until I heard the score from Parkhead,” Klein continued. “Celtic fans now know that dreams can come true, but we should all remember that nightmares are statistically just as likely.”

Mathematicians and psephologists who successfully predicted an Obama win admitted that the possibility of a Celtic victory a day later had barely crossed their minds.

“Based on an analysis of the available polls, our model indicated that Mitt Romney had approximately a 9% chance of winning the election,” said Nate Silver of the New York Times.

“But the same polls told us that the chances of a Celtic victory were about the same as Andres Iniesta getting hit by a meteorite, which coincidentally was also the likeliest path to a Celtic victory.”

Celtic manager Neil Lennon took time out from praising his side’s tenacity to digest the news that Barcelona’s road to glory should have been much more straightforward than President Obama’s.

“If we live in a universe where a side containing Kelvin Wilson and Georgios Samaras can beat one containing Leo Messi and Xavi Hernandez,” Lennon said, “Then we also live in a universe where Mitt Romney could have become the most powerful man on the planet, and that’s a sobering thought.”

Lennon added that he had been looking forward to progressing in the competition, until he learned that Celtic’s chances of winning the Champions League were roughly the same as Donald Trump being elected President in 2016.

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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