Why 'on-form' Riki is about to damage Barca's title charge...apparently

La Liga Loca nearly put its shoulder out last night, during a vigorous session of patting itself on the back. That’s what it told its inquisitive neighbours, anyway.

Normally, the blog’s Primera predictions end up somewhere between Real Madrid and Luis Perea in the sliding scale of pitiful failure. However, the confusion of a rare midweek round of matches has seen its sorry form fall even further with La Liga Loca like Lady Gago taking a shot, in terms of being off target. 

Miserable defeats forecast for Valladolid, Tenerife and Getafe ended up being splendid victories for this crystal ball-troubling trio, instead.

The Pucela club set the tone of an impressive night for the blog’s prediction prowess by unveiling stunning new tactics like ‘running’ and ‘trying’, against visiting Sevilla. Heck, some of their players might even have been sober.

After missing a couple of early sitters, Valladolid eased themselves into a 2-1 victory after goals from Diego Costa and Manucho - yes Manucho - that now sees the northern club in ever-so-slightly less trouble than before.

After the match, Valladolid boss Javier Clemente confessed that “I didn’t do anything, it was the players,” and then muttered something about being a painter that the blog didn’t quite catch due to the fact that it has never really understood a word gibbered by the Basque boss from Barakaldo.

In nearby(ish) Gijón, Sporting were in a very charitable mood, indeed, by handing Tenerife their first away win of the season, a result so embarrassing that manager, Manuel Preciado, is now fretting over his side “losing its sense of identity.”

The 3-0 thrashing for Getafe at the feet of Villarreal that the blog predicted would have been spot-on had the score not been the other way round at the Coliseum.

In a match that kicked off at 10pm in front of just 9,000 rain-sodden supporters - achieving the Spanish league’s aim of stopping pesky football fans cluttering up their stadiums - Getafe should have been finished off by the visitors, but Giuseppe Rossi and Robert Pires elected to miss their sitters. Instead, Getafe got away with the steal of the season with a 3-0 victory.

The first round of five matches to kick off on Wednesday stars - in its loosest possible sense - Atlético Madrid looking for one more win to secure safety for another season.

However, plucky Xerez will be fighting for the points all the way as part of their mini-revival at the bottom of the table - a revival inspired by Nestor Gorosito who revealed that the secret of his recent success was “promoting good football” to the players.

“It’s the best way of getting a win,” continued the Argentinean coach, “like seduction is the best method of getting a woman.”

Although Xerez will be hoping to take advantage of Atlético’s notoriously dodgy defence, Gorosito fears that his players may never have seen it in action.

“They prefer their Playstations, now. I don’t understand why a footballer doesn’t watch the game of the next side he’s playing, when it can help them.”

La Liga Loca feels that the bottom-of-the-table boss has a point having just seen an interview with the permanently vacant Sergio Ramos, who merely observed that Almería is a Primera division football team which contains some players, when asked what he thought about Madrid’s opposition on Thursday.

Racing host Espanyol in a truly tantalising clash that pits a team that has failed to score at home for five matches against Perico visitors that have managed just seven goals on their travels.

And despite having a chance to make fourth place their own after Sevilla’s defeat, Mallorca will probably fold like a big, useless folding thing away at Zaragoza.

Meanwhile, Osasuna will be looking for a win against Cheating Málaga in what coach, José Antonio Camacho, claims could be “game of the year for us. If we win then the main objective from the start of the season (staying up) will have been achieved.”

Another night of fun ends with Barcelona hosting Deportivo, with Marca coming up with the biggest load of b*llshit seen for sometime with their claim that the league leaders will be undone by the visitors’ super-striker.

“Riki is on form! And he wants to keep on scoring goals!” says the match preview of a player with six goals this season in a claim that not even the most optimistic of Real Madrid fans could ever believe.

So, in summary, Primera fans now can expect a win for Xerez, ten goals in El Sardinero, a 5-0 haul for Mallorca, indifference in Pamplona, and a certain forward from La Coruña throwing the title-race wide open with a brilliant brace over Barça.

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