Why SchusterÃ¢ÂÂs sacking surprised everyone... nearly
Over the years, La Liga Loca has found a number of varied uses for the likes of Marca and AS. Lining the bottom of hamster cages and clearing up sick of contrasting consistencies have been two handy household applications.
But they more than serve their purpose at football games, too. A weekend edition of Marca does a fine job of soaking up the rain water from the seats at the Vicente CalderÃÂ³n, whilst using AS to form some kind eye-covering hood is the perfect way to watch Deportivo.
The one function where the pair are as much use as Guti on Mastermind is telling you whatÃ¢ÂÂs going on in the wonderful world of Spanish football.
On Tuesday, both papers carried RaÃÂºlÃ¢ÂÂs rousing comments on how it was possible to get the better of Barcelona. Not a whiff or a sniff of the drama that was about to unfold.
(Incidentally, the blog would like to congratulate the Madrid No.7 on his promotion from sporting director to president. Not that the freaky fact that his agent is also Juande RamosÃ¢ÂÂs Mr 10% has anything to do with the former Sevilla manÃ¢ÂÂs appointment, of course.)
"Gottle of geer... RaÃÂºl speaking... appoint Ramos, SeÃÂ±or Mijatovic..."
The nearest anyone got to suggesting that something sensational would be happening at Castle Greyskull is when Roberto GÃÂ³mez wrote that a press conference would be called on Tuesday where the president of the clubÃ¢ÂÂs second team, Castilla, would be announcing his resignation.
Considering no one knew Ã¢ÂÂ nor cared, come to think of it Ã¢ÂÂ that the second side even had a president, it was no great journalistic shakes.
But on Wednesday morning, it's Juande all the way after Real Madrid not only jumped the Happy Days shark (that was done with Fabio CapelloÃ¢ÂÂs sacking) but also did a BouncerÃ¢ÂÂs Dream Ã¢ÂÂ the moment when Neighbours began its steady mid-90s decline.
Of the two Madridista organs, Marca was the most scathing of the decision to dismiss Bernado, with its editorial tutting about Ã¢ÂÂa club in institutional crisis for too long.Ã¢ÂÂ
Whilst the sacking of Schuster was supported Ã¢ÂÂ it's fairly hard to debate, considering the GermanÃ¢ÂÂs scowling sulks of recent months Ã¢ÂÂ the paper noted that over the summer he Ã¢ÂÂasked for Cristiano Ronaldo, Villa, Luis Fabiano, Dani Alves and Cazorla. They brought him nothing.Ã¢ÂÂ
Mijatovic: Castle Greyskull's master of the dark arts
But whilst most of the paperÃ¢ÂÂs writers are standing firm with arms folded at Pedja MijatovicÃ¢ÂÂs latest survival trick, the grovelling GÃÂ³mez uses his column to welcome Ã¢ÂÂthe best Spanish manager at the moment. No doubtÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ a suggestion that would make Rafa Benitez spit out his corn flakes.
Let's give a hearty slap on the back to MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs man-in-the-know, who, despite claiming to be BFF of both RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n and Juande Ramos, completely failed to sniff out the scoop. Still not as impressive as his Ã¢ÂÂRonaldo will be here on the 7th of JulyÃ¢ÂÂ boast, mind.
El Pais gave a more detailed analysis on the Schuster sacking, noting the squad had grown tired of the Ã¢ÂÂprolonged silencesÃ¢ÂÂ when his footballing plan wasnÃ¢ÂÂt coming together.
Over in Catalunya, the reaction is surprisingly muted, with some of the wiser heads of the papers perhaps remembering that it was BarÃÂ§a who went through the sporting spin-dryer a few months ago and that it would only be a matter of time before it was their turn for the international airing of the clubÃ¢ÂÂs dirty laundry.
The front page is the faintly disturbing boast that Real Madrid Ã¢ÂÂare scared!Ã¢ÂÂ with a cartoon depiction of what could be Ever BanegaÃ¢ÂÂs family net-surfing one night and finding more than they bargained for.
Ã¢ÂÂThe German is not a saint, nor is he the only guilty one,Ã¢ÂÂ notes Josep Maria Casanovas in one of the paperÃ¢ÂÂs editorials.
The lesson to be learned about the weekÃ¢ÂÂs events is one that is known to all followers of Spanish footie. If you're looking to get your hands on a non-stick AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid toaster, some official Real Madrid Pedja hair gel, or a snug Pep Guardiola duvet cover, then Marca and AS are the papers for you.
But if you're looking to learn something, then stick to reading tea leaves or ringing those dodgy old Tarot-reading grannies found on local TV.
Or even better, just log onto your daily lump of La Liga Loca Ã¢ÂÂ the all-seeing blog that predicted Juande RamosÃ¢ÂÂ appointment and subsequent sacking a full month ago...