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Adam Johnson's 90th-minute goal condemned Pardew's men to a 1-0 home loss on Sunday, making it four derby wins in a row for Sunderland.
And Pardew, whose side have now won just one of their last six games in all competitions, was left deflated after a game of missed chances.
"There is not much I can say that will gloss over it," he told BBC Sport. "Our fans know it's another defeat to Sunderland and it hurts. It hurts us."
Article continues belowThe nature of the goal - Johnson capping a fine counter-attack as Sunderland turned defending a corner into an attacking move - was particularly frustrating for the boss.
Pardew added: "We had a set-play and then they went straight up the other end and scored.
"I think in the second half, we deserved something from the game. We really pushed and I think it's always dangerous to overcommit in these games.
"We had done that well but in the last 10 minutes, we were pushing a little too hard.
"We ended up a little dysfunctional trying to win it. I am not going to criticise my players for that.
"I would take a draw now, of course. It was a good game. You always want your team to push for a win. But we need to learn from it because you need to be disciplined."
