BOOTS
Adidas Nitrocharge 1.0 XTRX £127.99
The muck and nettles of midfield is no place for a pair of ballet shoes. Adidas’ latest offering has a cushioned heel, providing plenty of protection from those heavy-footed midfield henchmen. Oosh!
Umbro Speciali 4 Pro £89.99
If it’s comfort you’re after, then look no further. The lightweight sockliner delivers maximum comfort for your toes, allowing you to concentrate on more important things, like finding your team-mates or not missing that sitter.
Puma evoSPEED 1.2 £164.99
If the first yard is in your head, not in your feet, you’re going to need some help. The lightweight evoSpeed 1.2 sole plate has been reconfigured to “optimise ground penetration” – ie they have more grip – so you’ll no longer be second to everything.
Nike Hypervenom £169.99
These snakeskin-like boots are a red rag to an ankle-snapping bull of a defender, but luckily for you they’re built for speed. A groove in the boot’s forefoot is designed to boost acceleration off the mark, helping you to escape flying studs.
Mizuno Morelia Neo £139.99
Weighing in at just 170g, the Morelia Neo will help shift your meaty backside around the pitch. How will they make the impossible possible? A lightweight graded Pebax sole plate that increases the boot’s flexibility and hence your mobility, that’s how.
SHINPADS
Nike Mercurial Lightspeed £34.99
Expansion-moulded foam means regular blows to these shin protectors can be shrugged off – until you get home and wail like a baby. You won’t be alone. Neymar will be doing the same at Barcelona.
Puma evoSPEED 3.2 £14.99
It’s annoying when your Velcro strap gets covered in mud, grass and cow pat. Enter the evoSPEED 3.2 pads. You can fasten these to your legs with a handy clip, keeping your hands nice and clean.
Umbro Neo Pro TPU Guard £24.99
Try protecting yourself from the opposition’s hatchet man with a pair of these. When you’re eating dirt for the umpteenth time, at least your shins will be safe thanks to the pad’s rubberised and ultra-flexible fit.
Adidas Predator Pro Replique £7.99
More than 90,000 shins took a kicking to make sure these pads were the perfect fit – don’t let their suffering be for nothing. And thanks to a lightweight shield you won’t even know you’ve got ’em on.
GLOVES
Puma PowerCat 1.12 £64.99
Do you wince every time that 18-stone striker pulls the trigger at you? No longer. Puma’s Flextec finger protection reinforces your digits so they’ll be able to beat out a piledriver.
Adidas Predator Fingertip £61.99
If you palmed too many shots to the oppo’s goalhanger last season, slip on these mittens. A layer of foam acts as a shock absorber for piledriving shots, helping you to hold on.
Nike Premier SGT £59.99
Sick of being a butterfingers? Get yourself a pair of these. Armed with technology to help set your hands in a catch-ready position, they’re the antidote to thunderbolts and screamers.
Umbro Neo Pro Shotgun £44.99
Unlike the name suggests, these are built for catching bullets, not firing them. You won’t be letting any slip through your fingers thanks to the ‘hyper extreme-latex foam’.
Adidas Finale 13 £94.99
If it’s good enough to grace the Nou Camp, it’s good enough to get down and dirty with on Hackney Marshes. Fitted with a built-in butyl bladder, this ball should stay committed to its flight path.
Nike Incyte £99.99
The new Premier League ball is looking rather dapper with its purple and fluorescent orange paint job – a colour combination proven to enhance visibility – which is something even goalkeepers can admire as they pick it out of the net.
Puma King £40
No matter how hard you wallop this sphere wide of the goal and into the bushes, it won’t lose its shape thanks to a clever air-lock system that ensures optimum air retention, while the seams between the 32 panels enhance aerodynamism.
Umbro Neo 150 Elite £60
A good old-fashioned looking football with all the mod cons. It’s constructed with 14 panels, a tri-pli linings system and a Teijin outer shell to maximise the power and control of your toe punts. ’Ave it!
Your essential accessories
Because you might as well do things properly...
Burberry wash bag £275
A footballer’s wash bag is his badge of honour. Chuck the grotty plastic bag from Tesco and upgrade to this. From mrporter.com
Under Armour HeatGear £19.99 short-sleeve tee, £19.99 ventilated shorts
Wear another layer in this heat? Are you serious? We sure are. This Under Armour set is designed to pull sweat and heat away from your overheating beer belly.
TruSox £24.99
Using non-slip pads on the inside and outside of the sock, they prevent unnecessary movement inside your boot. What’s more, they help prevent blisters too. Clever, eh?
Beats by Dr Dre studio headphones £269.95
No professional footballer’s pre-match ‘walk-on-and-off-the-bus’ routine is complete without a pair of these wrapped around their lugholes. Available from beatsbydre.com
Pro-Direct shin guard retainer tape £3.99
When it comes to dressing room currency, this is worth its weight in gold. Time to stop the scrounging and stock up before the big kick-off.
Need new gear for the new season? Buy all these products and many more online at prodirectsoccer.com
