BotN: Pearce feeds promising badminton partnership to ‘peckish’ players

Under-fire Great Britain coach Stuart Pearce has insisted that it was a ‘sensible footballing decision’ for his squad to kill, cook and eat badminton partners Chris Adcock and Imogen Bankier after a less than satisfactory evening meal in the Olympic Village.

Great Britain face a tough task in their bid to win a football gold medal, with the Brazil side who beat them 2-0 in a friendly prior to the tournament seen as overwhelming favourites.

Uncompromising boss Pearce is clearly taking his task seriously, but has been criticised for failing to embrace the Olympic spirit, after excluding David Beckham from his squad, repeatedly referring to the competition as the ‘World Cup’ in press conferences and upending the Velodrome by stamping on the lower part.

Last night’s controversial decision to serve up the Anglo-Scottish mixed badminton pair on a bed of rocket and couscous is likely to fan the flames, but Pearce has no doubts he did the right thing.

Pearce: Fully embracing the Olympic spirit...

“I’m here to win a football tournament,” Pearce told FourFourTwo.com.

“And I can’t have Giggsy [Ryan Giggs] giving me that look that says he’s still a bit hungry but too polite to order another main because he knows we’d all have to wait for it to arrive.

“I felt the same, truth be told. I couldn’t have managed a shot-putter or even a pole-vaulter, but I fancied something.

“Of course you feel sympathy for the badmintoners [badminton players] because they’ve spent four years building up to this, swatting [hitting] that feathered thing [the shuttlecock] over the bar [the net] loads of times only to end up in Tom Cleverley’s colon, but this was a purely footballing decision and I believe I made the right one.”

Pearce has often been accused of placing too much importance on football since the former defender replaced his wedding vows with a quick game of headers and volleys during which a tuxedoed David Platt teed him up for a string of point-blank bullet-headers past despairing bride, Elizabeth.

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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