Brentford-Doncaster film rejected, but not for plausibility

Lack of mass-market appeal nixes "Hollywood ending" 

As feared, Hollywood'™s Big Six studios have snubbed Brentford-Doncaster, but feedback has largely touched on a lack of broad market appeal rather than the far-fetched nature of events at Griffin Park.

Just days after Brentford'™s Marcello Trotta hit the woodwork with a last-minute penalty, only for Doncaster to run up the other end and score, sealing the championship, thoughts have turned to which of the major film studios would bring the Griffin Park saga to the silver screen.

Lone dissenting voice, Doncaster goalkeeper Neil Sullivan, suggested that Hollywood producers may find the plot 'too fantastical', but it seems that other motives are behind the lethargic response from across the Atlantic.

"We are respectfully taking a pass [not making the film]," an email from Universal Pictures reads.

"œWhile we are always excited to receive a script entirely set in a lower-league English football stadium, we have a very full slate at present with Fast and Furious 6 occupying a lot of our resources."

Universal did indicate that they would be willing to listen to a revised, '˜sexier'™ proposal that includes at least two car chases and suggested replacing Doncaster boss Brian Flynn with '˜some chick in a bikini'™ or 'at least Danny Wilson'.

20th Century Fox were less encouraging. Instead of suggesting the plot was far-fetched, they maintained that it '˜lacked jeopardy'™.

"œI mean, let'™s get this straight, if Brentford loses it still gets in the play-offs, right?" an email from chief creative officer Tony Sella enquired.

"œGranted it still slumps to defeat against an uncompromising Swindon side, but I'™m worried there'™s not enough jeopardy. I mean even if it gets in the Championship, what then? It battles relegation for a couple of seasons and eventually goes down again."

Sella proposed Marcello Trotta and James Coppinger be brothers who have grown apart after the tragic death of their father in a plane crash while carrying an illicit shipment of cocaine to the president, who was in fact a robotic clone.


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