Crybaby Capel & Banega’s Facebook Fumble

LLL has no doubt at all that Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea's goodbye letter to Atletico Madrid supporters last week is somewhat connected to his earlier farewell press conference at the Vicente Calderón, in which he made the terrible error of not seeming to give a flying one about moving on.

After all, the youngster had broken with the strict la Liga tradition which requires departing footballers to blub like overtired toddlers. Rather than begging fans' forgiveness for wanting to multiply his salary 700 times, De Gea looked like he was announcing his intention of popping out to get some ciggies and a kebab.

Diego Capel certainly didn’t make that mistake with a press conference that some might call moving but LLL would brand as plain pitiful. Reading from a letter – or rather, snivelling and shooting mucus from his nostrils whilst trying to do so – the diving diva of Sevilla praised his former club’s “constant, demanding but faithful support,” and confessed rather bizarrely that he was leaving for Sporting Lisbon with his head and conscience clear.

On Monday, LLL reported Valencia had published a code of conduct for their players to teach them how to behave properly both off the pitch and in cyberspace.

LLL, Mon 25 Jul: Alexis arrives, Bojan blubs and Kaka runs out of credit

The blog’s prediction that this would be a huge waste of paper turned out to be proved right just a day later when Ever Banega got himself to trouble on the internet again – there were no tissues involved this time – when a photograph of him wearing a Real Madrid shirt was published on the Argentinian’s Facebook page. t“Everyone is responsible for their own acts,” said midfielder David Albelda. “It’s Ever who must give explanations.”

Over in Mordor, Real Madrid went back to training for the first time since their two-week jaunt to the US. José Mourinho was not at all happy to find rejects Pedro León, Royston Drenthe and Lassana Diarra still at the club, with all three being forced to run around cones far from the Chosen Ones of the squad.

Marca reports that Zinedine Zidane will be called away from Tuesday’s crucial job of checking on the printer toner stocks to suggest to the trio of footballers that they might want to move on to any club desperate enough to have them. Even, if necessary, Tottenham Hotspur.

With Neymar and Santos digging in their heels over the Brazilian’s move to Madrid, Florentino Pérez has unleashed an even bigger figure to persuade the mohawk-sporting maverick away from Brazil. Marca writes that Perez is sending in The Real Ronaldo to do the business by sitting on Neymar’s father until he relents and persuades his son to sign on for a stint in Spain.

In the biggest U-turn since made since the game when Maniche decided to track back, Diego Forlán is showing how much he now loves Atlético Madrid by reportedly promising to be back in time in the Spanish capital for Thursday’s Europa League tie against Stromsgodset.

And finally, Sport bring their readers the exclusive news that Pep Guardiola is still fantastic and still much, much nicer than that Meanie-head Mourinho with José Maria Casanovas opining that “his performance has been exceptional, with the added value that he’s someone who is sincere, humble and positive.” Aw.

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