The lightly-fined, Ikea-stressed, green & gold scarf wearing weekend Primera predictions


Getafe (16th) v Sevilla (5th)

Persuading Getafe fans to turn up to the Coliseum in their heaving dozens is a tough business when the team is doing well, so it is a near impossible task when the side is in trouble. Which is now.

Míchel the Manager - but not for much longer - is leading a team that is lumbering about on a run of just one win in 15 league games, leaving Getafe a mere four points from the relegation zone. To make matters worse the player who has scored five of the side’s last seven goals and captain, Manu Del Moral, is out for a month.

This is why club president, Angel Torres, has launched a campaign to fill the stadium against Sevilla, largely by giving away tickets - and that still may not be enough to get supporters through the turnstiles.

Some 2,000 have been handed out to the wee kiddies who are in the team’s youth academy and who are set to make the Coliseum sound like an England youth international on Saturday afternoon.

LLL Prediction - Home win (Arizmendi hat-trick. LLL isn’t kidding either)

Málaga (19th) v Mallorca (9th)

Friday’s predictions wouldn’t be the same without some halfwit footballer claiming their upcoming match was a ‘final’ where only a win would be enough, before losing the game in question and repeating the whole process the following week.

Today’s numbskull is Málaga’s Recio, who claims Saturday’s encounter against Mallorca is a ‘final’ in their battle to avoid relegation.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Almería (20th) v Valencia (3rd)

Positive thinking. Never a bad thing. Especially when it comes from the mouth of the manager-firer extraordinaire and club president of Almería and therefore possesses high giggle quantity.

“Out of the last seven games we can win five or six,” boasted Alfonso García on a run-in that begins with the visit of Valencia on Saturday and includes clashes against Sevilla, Villarreal and Real Madrid.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Barcelona (1st)

Four Clásicos! Pep vs José! Messi vs Ronaldo! Unfortunately, though, LLL has been more distracted by Thursday night’s awarding of the 'Marca legend' award to Fabio Capello - a figure the paper have repeatedly been rather snooty towards thanks to his ‘anti-football’. Perhaps the Italian earned this legendary status for twice being fired by Real Madrid straight after winning the league title...

Marca, in turn, wins its own LLL award - the prize for the most desperately contrived Clásico graphic - an epic effort on Friday that portrays the various tactical schemes of Pep Guardiola and José Mourinho, but in the form of Ikea assembly instructions - something that brought LLL out in a panic cold sweat within seconds.

LLL Prediction - Football will be the winner (You're a coward - ed)


Real Sociedad (13th) v Sporting (11th)

There have been rumblings around the Basque country that la Real president, Jokin Aperribay, was going to follow the dark path taken by Almería and Hércules recently by freaking out and sacking the club’s coach with the threat of relegation on the horizon.

Real Sociedad have lost five in a row and were blooming awful in the last of that run, Sunday’s defeat at Atlético Madrid, but the team’s prez promises that he will be sticking with Martin Lasarte for the moment, the coach who took the northern side up from la Segunda last season.

“I had a very open conversation with Martin and he knows that if he has any problems with the squad then he should tell me,” said Aperribay. “At the moment we have a good person and a good coach.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (10th) v Hércules (18th)

Disappointment. That’s the main emotion felt by LLL as it watched the then suspended Levante defender, Sergio Ballesteros, being filmed watching TV whilst catching his team’s late equaliser against Racing last weekend - a goal that brought the side to within a crumpet’s crampon of survival.

Instead of a giant whoop and leap around his living room from the big fella that was expected from the blog, the Thor-like, huge-necked defender gave a half-hearted cheer and a fist pump that was Tim Henman-esque in its limpness.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (15th) v Racing Santander (12th)

In a radio interview with Cadena Ser, Racing president Francisco Pernía didn’t really convince LLL that everything was well with new owner Ali Syed, who has a few fraud scandals around the world to firefight at the moment.

The players seem to feel the same way with 11 of the squad still being owed money from last season - not Ali Syed’s fault, to be fair - but having been promised the cash on at least three occasions.

“I prefer not to think about what will happen of we don’t get paid before the weekend as they promised us,” warned Pedro Munitis in a stern message that forced Pernía to show the footballers a copy of the transfer that had apparently been made from Bahrein to bring their coffers up to date.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (14th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

This contest always brings out the debate on Athletic Bilbao supposedly pinching players from the Narvarra region and from under Osasuna’s noses, such as Javi Martínez and Fernando Llorente, and stamping ‘Basque’ onto their foreheads before dressing them up in red and white stripes.

Athletic midfielder, Carlos Gurpegui, has added his thoughts to the debate by saying that if his club “take from Nararra, in this case perhaps it’s because Osasuna don’t look after them and Athletic take advantage of this.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Espanyol (8th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

When is a green and yellow scarf worn in protest by football fans not a green and yellow scarf worn in protest by football fans? When Atlético president, Enrique Cerezo, says it isn’t, that’s when.

For the past few months, members of the the Rojiblanco faithful have copied the 'green and gold' campaign of Manchester United fans to express their displeasure at the current owners of their own club.

One of the guilty party in these fans’ eyes, the logic-seeing Cerezo, was asked about the scarves in AS and claimed that supporters “are demonstrating against the owners of Manchester United and not Atlético.”

Meanwhile the other club owner, Miguel Angel Gil, was commenting on the reports in the Spanish media that a deal had been done between United and goalkeeper David De Gea - a story denied by both Atlético and De Gea. However, the son of Jesús Gil did spill the beans on what was heading in the direction of the Atleti keeper these days aside from balls and bad back passes from Luis Perea.

“Manchester United are offering him five times more than he earns here, but they are not the only club after him. Chelsea want him as well,” revealed the discreet Atlético Director General.

LLL Prediction - Draw


Villarreal (4th) v Zaragoza (17th)

602 euros! That’s all that Zaragoza were fined by the Spanish FA after two balls were thrown onto the pitch by a mysterious soul sitting on the home side bench during Monday’s visit of Getafe whenever the visitors attacked at 2-1 down in the final minutes.

Except that the mysterious soul is not so shadowy it seems with Getafe defender, Iván Marcano saying that “we all knew who threw it.” This knowledge may coincide with nut job, Cata Díaz, attempting to have a quiet word with Zaragoza midfielder, Ander Herrera, as the players walked off the pitch after the game but being foiled in his ambitions by a wall of the youngster’s team-mates. 

LLL Prediction - Home win