Long Live BarçaÃ¢ÂÂs new... Ã¢ÂÂShow BoysÃ¢ÂÂ?!
La Liga Loca is now completely convinced that when the international break comes along, the holiday-happy editorial teams of the Spanish footballing press head for the hills and are replaced by a herd of goats with basic literacy skills. An improvement, many might suggest.
After all, what other explanation can there be for what has been a weekend of both the surreal and very, very silly in the game of Spain.
According to National Geographic, humans may share up to 40% of their gene sequence with lettuce.
La Liga Loca suspects that if a troop of eggheads set course for Catalunya they may find some Mundo Deportivo readers with double that total.
"Hmmm... I love lettuce me"
The Barcelona-barmy paper that manages the admirable achievement of making AS look like a Cormac McCarthy novel in comparison, decided to run a competition asking its Ã¢ÂÂreadersÃ¢ÂÂ to:
a) Come up with a catchy Ã¢ÂÂDream TeamÃ¢ÂÂ-style nickname for the new Barcelona squad; and
b) find a friend with opposable thumbs who doesnÃ¢ÂÂt believe computers are the work of demons.
Mundo Deportivo are now under the impression that knocking six past Atletico Madrid is the sideÃ¢ÂÂs burning bush-style sign that the dawn of a new era is breaking over the Camp Nou club.
And this happily ignores the fact that Frank Rijkaard achieved the same feat against the rojiblancos a couple of seasons ago in the Vicente CalderÃÂ³n. But the Dutchman was a very bad man, argue the paperÃ¢ÂÂs revisionist writers.
The tiny section of the 2000-odd suggestions sent through to the MD website that the blog could be bothered reading, appear to be split between those who want BarÃÂ§a to sound like an especially camp troupe of male strippers. And monikers suggested by Espanyol fans.
So, Ladies and Gentleman, coming to a football stadium near you are Ã¢ÂÂPepÃ¢ÂÂs Dream,Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂThe Next Generation,Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂPepÃ¢ÂÂs Show Boys,Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂSuperteam Pep,Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂLos BabyhouseÃ¢ÂÂ or Ã¢ÂÂPep teamdiola.Ã¢ÂÂ
"Roll up, roll up... come and marvel at my Show Boys"
Or, if you are off the Perico persuasion, it's a warm Camp Nou welcome to the Ã¢ÂÂwe havenÃ¢ÂÂt won s**t team,Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂthe a**hole teamÃ¢ÂÂ or the blogÃ¢ÂÂs particular favourite "the sinportero teamÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂthe no goalkeeper team.Ã¢ÂÂ
Over in Capital City, Madrid-mad Marca were not to be beaten by such Catalan craziness and used the lull in La Liga to promote the must-have gift for all Real Madrid fans. And itÃ¢ÂÂs not the sale of Fernando Gago.
Ã¢ÂÂIf you are tired of watching Real Madrid games...Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ La Liga Loca feels the paper should have ended the sentence right there, but it continues Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂwith a boring pizza (LLL Ã¢ÂÂ note sly dig at Italy), then this is your big chance.Ã¢ÂÂ
Yes, with enough crappy coupons, Madridistas could have their greasy paws on a Real Madrid sandwich toaster. With a non-slip base. An offer that kicks Mundo DeportivoÃ¢ÂÂs offer of an official Barcelona steak knife into touch by some margin.
Another satisfied Marca reader
Not content with this fantastic freebie, the paper went all out on Saturday and brought their readers the exciting exclusive that Real Madrid have come up with an Ã¢ÂÂanti-magnateÃ¢ÂÂ plan to stop another repeat of Robinho taking the money and pootling off to the Premier League.
Marca reckons that the clubÃ¢ÂÂs newfangled crazy scheme to teach the Ã¢ÂÂvalues of Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂ will be enough to stop their star players heading to pastures new for three times their current salaries.
Good luck with that one RamÃÂ³n Ã¢ÂÂ a man who fights greed and gluttony wherever he finds it.
And speaking of those two villainous vices, itÃ¢ÂÂs time for Roberto GÃÂ³mezÃ¢ÂÂs Thought for the Day.
His latest ramblings concern his new BFF, CalderÃÂ³n, but instead of pumping him with praise as is the Marca manÃ¢ÂÂs usual trick, GÃÂ³mez is upset that the Madrid big cheese has taken the very wise decision to shut his trap over recent weeks. Ã¢ÂÂThis complete silence from RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n is a big mistake,Ã¢ÂÂ moans GÃÂ³mez. But RobertoÃ¢ÂÂs frown soon turned upside down once his very own customised double-sized sandwich maker landed on his desk.