ItÃ¢ÂÂs always a fine sign that a thorough spanking combined with a bespoke arse-handing-on-a-plate has been dished out when the big fat losers start moaning and groaning that the opposition are bad winners.
ThatÃ¢ÂÂs the approach a shell-shocked Marca has adopted, on Tuesday, with the paper having no doubt attempted but failed to blame their usual scapegoats, Manuel Pellegrini and Gonzalo HiguaÃÂn, for the night before.
The whopping problem the paper faces in reacting to the monumental stonking is that its apron-strings are tied so tightly to their Castle Greyskull controllers that awkward questions such has whence The Special One? Whither Karim Benzema? and why Cristiano Ronaldo? have been cast aside with TuesdayÃ¢ÂÂs teary editorial spluttering that Ã¢ÂÂCR7Ã¢ÂÂ should have been given a penalty at 2-0, BarÃÂ§aÃ¢ÂÂs third goal was offside and Pep Guardiola was mean for failing to give the ball back to Ronaldo at one point in the first half - a game changing moment, perhaps...
Ã¢ÂÂThe gentlemanly conduct of Sandro Rosell did not translate to the pitch with the same behaviour,Ã¢ÂÂ scoffed the paper, somewhat overlooking the tenth La Liga red card of Sergio RamosÃ¢ÂÂ career, doled out for hacking Leo Messi from behind and then pushing his Spain teammates, Carles Puyol and Xavi full in the face. The little tyke.
However, there is still room for some dissent in the inside pages - pages that have clearly gone unchecked by MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs masters - with Roberto GÃÂ³mez branding the five-goal-shaped can of whoop-ass as Ã¢ÂÂa disgrace, a joke of unfathomable dimensions,Ã¢ÂÂ adding Ã¢ÂÂit was children against men."
AS editor, Alfredo RelaÃÂ±o, has positioned his paper in the Florentino PÃÂ©rez doubters camp, this season - in comparison with the pom-pom waving Marca - and is enjoying the moral high ground on Tuesday with an article attacking Madrid for possessing Ã¢ÂÂneither spirit nor courageÃ¢ÂÂ during the Camp Nou calamity.
Ã¢ÂÂThe indolence of Benzema has returned,Ã¢ÂÂ thundered RelaÃÂ±o, whilst his colleague, Juanma Trueba noted quite accurately that, Ã¢ÂÂthe BarÃÂ§a of Guardiola is still quite far away.Ã¢ÂÂ
Mad TomÃÂ¡s Roncero will not stand for such defeatist nonsense and follows MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs approach by attacking Puyol and PiquÃÂ© for making a hand gesture displaying all five fingers, signifying the five goals - because of course no dignified, honourable, gentlemanly Real Madrid player would ever celebrate a humiliating beating handed out to their fiercest rivals in front of their own fans.
Or pass to a team-mate using their back when 2-0 up, for example. Ronaldo would never do that against AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid. Never. Not even a couple of weeks ago. No.
Ã¢ÂÂThe season is long and in April thereÃ¢ÂÂll be a ClÃÂ¡sico in the Bernabeu and you know what it is going to be like then,Ã¢ÂÂ warned Roncero, although LLL suspects the AS man isnÃ¢ÂÂt referring to Barcelona winning in Madrid. Again. Ã¢ÂÂPep, you have to know how to lose...and know how to win,Ã¢ÂÂ snorted Roncero.
Over in the Catalan capital and it is cock-a-hoop o'clock with Sport boasting of BarÃÂ§aÃ¢ÂÂs Ã¢ÂÂBig HandÃ¢ÂÂ goalfest - as well as putting a picture of an actual big hand on the front cover in case some of their slower readers have problems comprehending the concept.
A Thrashing! A Humiliation! Leaders!Ã¢ÂÂ thunders the front cover with the kind of bragging that Marca whole-heartedly disapproves of and would never engage in had the boot been on the other foot.
Ã¢ÂÂBarÃÂ§a played one of their best matches in history, as if they were from another galaxy,Ã¢ÂÂ purred Santi Nolla. Ã¢ÂÂCristiano is still without a goal against BarÃÂ§a and Mourinho had the biggest defeat of his life as a coach.Ã¢ÂÂ
Mundo Deportivo splash the fact that Madrid were given a Ã¢ÂÂbathÃ¢ÂÂ - but with the loofah placed forcefully in a slightly unconventional spot, perhaps. Ã¢ÂÂA magical night, unforgettable, superior, definitive,Ã¢ÂÂ burbled LluÃÂs Foix, at a paper where the happy-clappy journalists are set for a late start on Tuesday morning...before firing taunts towards the Spanish capital all over again.