Amidst all the darkness, misery and sombre montages of Spurs players looking pained (as seen every 15 minutes on Sky Sports News for the last week), there is at least one man whoâÂÂs found time to raise a smile at Spurs current plight - former QPR âÂÂkeeper and They Think itâÂÂs All Over team captain, David Seaman.
Speaking on Jeremy KyleâÂÂs show on talkSPORT (which is presumably why we missed it first time round), Seaman claimed he âÂÂhadnâÂÂt been able to wipe the smile off his faceâ thanks to Spursâ poor form, which was apparently caused by Juande Ramos's inability to speak English rather than Spurs' inability to score a goal.
David Seaman (smile not pictured)
But as we said this was on Jeremy KyleâÂÂs showâ¦on talkSPORTâ¦as reported by the Daily Mail, so the gleeful claim that Spurs' problems lie with the foreignness of the manager rather than the poor performances of Darren Bent, Jermaine Jenas and David Bentley, combined with the stubbornness of Daniel Levy through the summer transfer window, are probably not a massive shock.
Quite why Seaman was on KyleâÂÂs show has yet to be confirmed to us (by which we mean âÂÂweâÂÂve not bothered to checkâÂÂ), but if the nature of the guests on the smug, brash bullyoâÂÂs daytime TV chavfest are anything to go by, then Seaman may have bigger issues in his life than his awful, awful hair. Still, each to their own.
Few would have predicted at the start of the season that SundayâÂÂs clash between Stoke and Spurs would be a bottom of the table dogfight, but thanks to the north Londoners' woeful start to the league campaign, thatâÂÂs exactly what itâÂÂs become.
"Who am I to judge? I'm on the bleedin' telly!"
An away game at Stoke is exactly the kind of game Spurs would lose even if they were bang in form (feel free to use their âÂÂperformancesâ at Sheffield United 18 months ago or at Crystal Palace four years ago as reference.)
So to suggest they have more than a slim chance of picking up all three points from SundayâÂÂs trip to the Britannia, having taken just two from their last eight Premier League matches, is probably wishful thinking on their fans' part.
If Stoke were to consign Spurs to their second successive defeat to a newly promoted side, the Lilywhites would trail the Potters by five points.
In fact if Newcastle were to beat Manchester City on Monday (stop laughing) and Fulham avoided defeat at home to Sunderland, Juande RamosâÂÂs side would be five points adrift of 19th, not to mention about 14 points away from that much-coveted fourth spot.
A defeat for Spurs would also make this their worst ever start to a league campaign. We're sure you've read a billion 'Titanic' headlines over the last two weeks, with the 1912 Spurs vintage the only team standing between the current crop and a record they'd much rather give an iceberg-sized swerve.
Spurs can take comfort from the fact Tony Pulis may be without Ricardo Fuller, Abdoulaye Faye and amateur dog-tumbler Liam Lawrence for SundayâÂÂs âÂÂsix-pointerâÂÂ, but with Roman Pavlyuchenko missing for Spurs a draw may be the likeliest result here, and one which is unlikely to rub the smile off of SeamanaâÂÂs face nor do either team massive good in the long run.
Two sides that are, at least on the pitch, riding a wave of optimism are Aston Villa and Portsmouth.
The two go head to head at Villa Park on Saturday afternoon in a match thatâÂÂs sure to be open, quick and a joy to watch.
Both have eased almost effortlessly into the swing of juggling European football with domestic matches, although you feel the true test for messrs OâÂÂNeill and Redknapp will be when the UEFA Cup group stages get underway and two of the Premier LeagueâÂÂs shallowest squads (we mean I terms of squad depth, weâÂÂre not criticising the playersâ morals) are down to the 'bare bones', as 'Arry would say.
FourFourTwo.com cannot recall the day Redknapp was forced to play a grizzly skeleton on the right wing, but maybe we've just got the wrong end of the stick.
Well if Glen Little can play for Pompey...
Pompey won 3-1 at Villa Park last season but feel look a far more consistent outfit this term, despite their early loss to Stoke. A narrow Villa win looks the likeliest outcome in this encounter, decaying bear corpse not withstanding.
Elsewhere on Saturday Bolton host Blackburn in the hottest of Lancashire hotpots.
Despite this being a derby match, and one that often brings much excitement and goals aplenty, Bolton have been forced to bribe their fans with a free pint in order to get more bums on seats at the Reebok.
Quite how giving people free beer is going to keep bums on seats is a mystery to us, if anything it's going to have the opposite effect once people have 'broken the seal', but that Phil Gartside knows what he's doing. Right?
"Free beer? Make it vodka and orange and you're on"
Rovers were handed a cruel blow on Friday, when it was confirmed that Steven Reid would miss the remainder of the season with a knee problem.
Probably one of the Premier LeagueâÂÂs most underrated players, Reid has every right to feel he must be cursed, with injuries restricting the former Millwall midfielder to just 90 league outings in five years at Ewood Park.
Blackburn may also be without Roque Santa Cruz and will definitely also not have David Dunn in their side, although Benni McCarthy and recovering blunderholic Paul Robinson are both set to be back in contention.
This fixture is often won by the away side, with Blackburn winning three of the last four on BoltonâÂÂs patch (Bolton have won three of the last five at Ewood Park), but given BoltonâÂÂs impressive win at West Ham last time out and BlackburnâÂÂs mounting injury problems, weâÂÂre tipping the Trotters to pick up three points this time round, and we're sure their fans will drink to that.
FourFourTwo.comâÂÂs Premier League Predictions:
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Arsenal 2-0 Everton
Aston Villa 2-1 Portsmouth
Bolton 2-1 Blackburn
Fulham 1-1 Sunderland
Liverpool 2-0 Wigan
Man Utd 3-0 West Brom (Live on Setanta Sports 1, 17:30)
Middlesbrough 0-1 Chelsea
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Hull 1-1 West Ham
Stoke 0-0 Tottenham
Monday, 20 October 2008
Newcastle 0-2 Man City
Make your own predictions and win ã100,000 this weekend with Footy15
Footy15/Prem10 Pundit Predictions:
John Barnes
Arsenal v Everton H
Aston Villa v Portsmouth H
Bolton v Blackburn D
Fulham v Sunderland D
Hull v West Ham H
Liverpool v Wigan H
Man United v West Brom H
Middlesbrough v Chelsea A
Newcastle v Man City D
Stoke v Tottenham A
Alan Hansen
Arsenal v Everton H
Aston Villa v Portsmouth H
Bolton v Blackburn D
Fulham v Sunderland D
Hull v West Ham D
Liverpool v Wigan H
Man United v West Brom H
Middlesbrough v Chelsea A
Newcastle v Man City A
Stoke v Tottenham D
Tony Cascarino
Arsenal v Everton H
Aston Villa v Portsmouth H
Bolton v Blackburn D
Fulham v Sunderland A
Hull v West Ham H
Liverpool v Wigan H
Man United v West Brom H
Middlesbrough v Chelsea A
Newcastle v Man City A
Stoke v Tottenham D
Graham Poll
Arsenal v Everton H
Aston Villa v Portsmouth H
Bolton v Blackburn H
Fulham v Sunderland A
Hull v West Ham H
Liverpool v Wigan H
Man United v West Brom H
Middlesbrough v Chelsea A
Newcastle v Man City D
Stoke v Tottenham A
