If La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs employers demanded hot-as-a-hamburger-in-hell breaking news and informed, accurate musings on the wonderful world of Spanish football, then it would be in serious do-do.
In fact, it would be packing its blufferÃ¢ÂÂs guide to lazy national stereotypes and pathetic puns into a battered box and shuffling out on its knees into the pouring rain. Well, the glorious sunshine, actually. After all, this is Spain.
Luckily, La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs employers are kindly, charitable folk. But not as kindly and charitable as the numbskulls running Marca and AS.
After yet another summer of scoop-missing, prediction-failing and blatantly making stuff up, the publishing geniuses behind the bafflingly popular rags should really consider sacking their entire editorial staff and replacing them with shrimp. Less smelly, cheaper and more likely to get a story right, once in a blue moon.
MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs offices are a stoneÃ¢ÂÂs throw from the Bernabeu, but in recent years they have failed to predict the transfers of Pepe, Sneijder, Van Nistelrooy... pretty much everyone.
Instead they are in a perpetual state of wild-eyed bewilderment and panic like Maniche forced to choose between a rum and coke and a cookie.
Oh come on... you're not seriously going to make me choose?
AS are no better. TuesdayÃ¢ÂÂs headline screamed that the club were on the brink of signing Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Diego Capel.
As it turns out Real Madrid were on the brink of signing Santi Cazorla from Villarreal, instead. Except theyÃ¢ÂÂre werenÃ¢ÂÂt. Or maybe they were.
The rodent-like but rather handy midfielder reacted to the news that Pedja was pawing him by telling the press on Tuesday that a move to the Spanish capital would be top banana and by ringing up Iker Casillas to ask him to put in a good word for him with CalderÃÂ³n and co.
Ã¢ÂÂI spoke with El Guaje (David Villa) and he also said heÃ¢ÂÂs moving,Ã¢ÂÂ spluttered an overheard Cazorla on another missed scoop by the idiot-twins of the Spanish press.
Of course, all this Cazorla talk is stuff and nonsense says MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs Roberto GÃÂ³mez as he is claiming that Real Madrid are too much of a goody-two-shoes to move in on other peopletÃ¢ÂÂs players.
Ã¢ÂÂCalderÃÂ³n is a leader with honour,Ã¢ÂÂ gushed GÃÂ³mez on Monday as he wrote about his iconÃ¢ÂÂs promise to other club presidents made at the Valencia Grand Prix that he would not poach any of their stars. Ã¢ÂÂSome of them could learn from them,Ã¢ÂÂ he sighed.
Despite Tuesday's news to the contrary, GÃÂ³mez is either sticking to his guns or was too busy with a particularly succulent serving of pheasant on Wednesday to notice that CalderÃÂ³n has gone back on his word. And considerably sooner than normal.
Ã¢ÂÂBy not taking any player 15 days before the close of the transfer window, he is a true gentleman with honour, the kind of which has never been seen before in Spanish football,Ã¢ÂÂ wrote the Marca man who is now light years beyond parody.
Ã¢ÂÂRamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n is having his finest moment since taking the role of president,Ã¢ÂÂ fluffed Roberto giving La Liga Loca the deeply unpleasant image of him dressing up as Marilyn Monroe and singing to the Real Madrid president on his next birthday.
Not content with that superlative dayÃ¢ÂÂs work GÃÂ³mez then goes on to make up an entire conversation between Mr President and Bernd Schuster Ã¢ÂÂ a man who wants Robinho to stay.
Ã¢ÂÂThe president and manager have had a cordial, but fluid relationship. Of course, thatÃ¢ÂÂs because of the GermanÃ¢ÂÂs character,Ã¢ÂÂ explained GÃÂ³mez.
Atletico for the Champions League
RealÃ¢ÂÂs city twins, AtlÃÂ©tico have bigger fish to fry on Wednesday night Ã¢ÂÂ making sure their season is not doomed before it starts.
Despite Javier Aguirre saying that the entire team must perform against Schalke in the Champions League qualifier to claw back the 1-0 deficit, everyoneÃ¢ÂÂs nervous eyes are on Kun Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm no saviourÃ¢ÂÂ AgÃÂ¼ero to be the saviour.
The Argentine striker has managed to lose the increasingly stalky Diego Maradona in traffic and has declared that Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve had time to rest and get into the rhythm of the side.Ã¢ÂÂ
AgÃÂ¼ero: Back in Madrid fresh from Olympic success
La Liga Loca will be heading down to the delightful Vicente CalderÃÂ³n with its pom-poms aloft to cheer on the rojiblancos, as the blog quite fancies the idea of extra Champions League action in the Spanish capital.
After all, Real Madrid have only been good for three or four home matches a season, in recent years.
ThereÃ¢ÂÂs no doubt that many an AtlÃÂ©tico player would have been tossing and turning away last night. And this means that new loan signing, Ever Banega, will fit in just fine.
Whilst all the dotting and crossing has yet to be completed on the Valencia playerÃ¢ÂÂs one-year deal, it seems that the lawyers have thrashed out a compromise on some stumbling blocks.
The hard up men of Mestalla wanted some cash as part of the deal and Atleti wanted a clause put into the contract that if Banega breaches the terms of a special night-time curfew, the ArgentineanÃ¢ÂÂs spell in the Spanish capital will be over.
La Liga Loca has a feeling that this is going to be fun.