La LigaÃ¢ÂÂs Good Day, Bad Day - Round 5
As you read this, just imagine a march mixing the missile-displaying pomp of a Soviet-style May Day parade with a full-on nudey lady Brazilian carnival.
ThatÃ¢ÂÂs the kind of greeting that surely awaits the Xerez players this week after they picked up their first point in a draw in Cornella against Espanyol. Still no goal, mind.
At the head of the parade and being fed grapes and booze by all the local lovelies will be former Valencia goalkeeper Renan, who had an inspired afternoon keeping all of EspanyolÃ¢ÂÂs efforts well and truly out.
Wow. Sevilla have definitely grown a big old pair over the summer, with three wins in eight days against Osasuna, Mallorca and Athletic Bilbao to keep them at the top of the Primera B table.
But it is SaturdayÃ¢ÂÂs goalkeeper-assisted 4-0 victory up in the Basque country thatÃ¢ÂÂs the most impressive of this terrific trio of wins.
However, a section of Sevilla fans will still be grumbling about Manolo JimÃÂ©nez being on the bench no matter what he does.
But surely he has achieved more than enough by now for both people and press to leave him alone for the rest of the season?
Especially, if he does the nicest of numbers on Real Madrid in the Sanchez PizjuÃÂ¡n next Sunday.
If La Liga Loca gave out Manager of the Month awards, then it would hand SeptemberÃ¢ÂÂs gong to Gregorio Manzano.
Although the blog still calls upon the fine folk at FourFourTwo HQ to send two thousand quid to Madrid so it can be forwarded immediately to MallorcaÃ¢ÂÂs manager.
ManzanoÃ¢ÂÂs men have been brutally effective in picking up maximum points in all their Ã¢ÂÂwinnableÃ¢ÂÂ games - home ties against Xerez, Tenerife and most recently of all Valladolid - as well as picking up a point away at Villarreal to leave them in fourth with 10.
But the real disappointment is that the home fans are totally indifferent to the cause of the cash strapped club with just 10,000 turning up to see the clubÃ¢ÂÂs opener against Xerez and MondayÃ¢ÂÂs papers not even bothering to report the previous dayÃ¢ÂÂs paltry turnout.
Another cap must be doffed to Miguel Angel Lotina who keeps Deportivo grinding through the start of the season by dumping a whole heap of misery on Villarreal on Sunday night with a 1-0 victory.
The win came from a second free-kick strike in a week for Brazilian nut-bag lookalike Juca, who has the gait of a psycho Serbian than a Samba man.
A player that La Liga Loca has felt has been well off the pace in the Primera for some time now came off the bench to grab an equaliser for AtlÃÂ©tico in Mestalla on Saturday night.
In a cracking game where defences were equally poor and just about every offside decision was wrong, the Argentinean grabbed his first league goal since last December to save manager Abel ResinoÃ¢ÂÂs skin.
For the time being, at least.
Although it is an enormously inconvenient fact for the Madrid and Barcelona papers, it is David Villa who is currently top of the Pichichi table in la Liga with six strikes. And not Zlatan nor Ronaldo.
Real Madrid, Barcelona
Two games. Two wins. But you can read more about one of them by following this Twitter feed.
The Barcelona defender possesses what La Liga Loca feels is the most important component of any professional football - the willingness to confess their hatred of all rivals. As well as good hair.
PiquÃÂ©Ã¢ÂÂs profile ticks both boxes with his past taunting of both Madrid and Espanyol and fine Tarantino-style quiff for much of last season.
And heÃ¢ÂÂs a decent defender too, with an eye for goal. His second league strike of the season was a free-kick toe poke against MÃÂ¡laga.
Now this is getting beyond a joke.
A defeat to Deportivo means that Villarreal are only one point better than Xerez. And one point worse than AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid.
La Liga Loca is not sure which is more embarrassing for the Yellow Submarine.
But despite this being VillarrealÃ¢ÂÂs worst ever top-flight start, the blog feels confident that Ernesto Valverde will sort his side out, sooner rather than later.
Despite just one defeat this season, and being in the process of bedding in a brand new defence, Unai Emery is already under pressure from a Mestalla crowd not well known for its patience. Or, indeed, sanity.
Once MaxiÃ¢ÂÂs late equaliser for AtlÃÂ©tico slipped past Carlos Moya, the look of Ã¢ÂÂoh buggerÃ¢ÂÂ on EmeryÃ¢ÂÂs face was a clear as a biscuit as he contemplated the wobbly week facing him before next SundayÃ¢ÂÂs trip to face Racing Santander.
After boisterous MÃÂ¡laga defender Weligton tried some of the rough stuff on Zlatan Ibrahimovic on Saturday night, there was a moment when the barking mad BarÃÂ§a forward stared at the Brazilian, smiling serenely.
Ã¢ÂÂKick his head off, six match ban. Kick his head off, six match banÃ¢ÂÂ went the SwedeÃ¢ÂÂs thought process.
Sadly, the BarÃÂ§a striker took the pacifist path.
The Valladolid central defender spent the match against Mallorca doing exactly what La Liga Loca would do if it were told to form part of the Pucela back four - wander about, look lost, stare into the stands and form part of the clubÃ¢ÂÂs notoriously awful offside trap.
Two more goals conceded against Valencia makes Atleti in possession of the worst defence in la Liga with 13 strikes against them. Good going.
Michel out! Michel out! Michel out!
Now La Liga Loca doesnÃ¢ÂÂt like to make merry at other peopleÃ¢ÂÂs expense, but letÃ¢ÂÂs look back at this gem from Thursday from Paul from Barcelona after EspanyolÃ¢ÂÂs 2-1 win over MÃÂ¡laga.
Ã¢ÂÂXerez at home on Sunday and in previous years I'd have said welcome to your first goal/point(s) Xerez. But this new-look team has something about them.Ã¢ÂÂ
HereÃ¢ÂÂs this weekÃ¢ÂÂs comedy outpourings from Paul the Perico.
Ã¢ÂÂXerez - 200 away fans. Well done them. I spent 90 minutes watching this. You, Dear Readers, shouldn't waste even 90 seconds reading about it.
"Both teams rubbish from start to finish. Xerez will get some serious hidings this year as will Espanyol after that.Ã¢ÂÂ
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