Prem sketch: Graffiti and Picasso

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Last week was another where action on the pitch was eclipsed by shenanigans off it, with Wayne Rooney all but handing in a transfer request then deciding to stay just a few days later.

Suspicious? No course not. Rooney apologised to his team-mates and admitted to the Old Trafford faithful that he feared for the club's future, wondering if United could afford to keep up with the big spenders across the city. Naturally, a big hike in his wages is the best thing for the club's transfer budget...

The off-field antics continued in Newcastle, where alleged striker Andy Carroll was ordered to live with club captain Kevin Nolan after an alleged assault.  The next morning the two players were woken up by the sound of Carroll’s spanking new Range Rover bursting into flames after an alleged act of arson; Nolan was allegedly wearing Liverpool FC pyjamas and Carroll allegedly sported a kimono.

Someone really should make a television show about some of our modern day footballers, although on this evidence it would probably effectively just be repeats of Shameless.

Inevitably, both Nolan and Carroll scored the goals that gave Newcastle a well earned away win against West Ham; all around nice guy Joey Barton providing the cross for Carroll’s powerful header.

The big match this week was the annual Emmanuel Adebayor love-in at Eastlands, where Arsenal well and truly took advantage of Dedryck Boyata’s early sending off and showed the pretenders to the Premier League throne they’re still very much title contenders themselves.

Fabregas and co ran 10-man Manchester City ragged with their ticky- tacky, tippy-tappy football, battering the hosts 3-0, with Samir Nasri's first half goal epitomising the Gunners’ performance.  Next up for City is a stroll over to Old Trafford; it’ll be a tough game for Wayne Rooney to watch.

And finally, football is often compared to art; both can be beautiful, expensive, and most of the time crap. So to celebrate the birthday of one of the world’s greatest painters Pablo Picasso here’s a portrait of Wolves’ manager Mick McCarthy in the style of Picasso himself.

The Spaniard was known for rearranging noses in his paintings; McCarthy’s certainly wouldn’t look out of place on one of his canvasses.