Rampant Raúl roars against Irún... sort of
TomÃÂ¡s Roncero, Wednesday November 12.
Ã¢ÂÂAnother glorious hat-trick from RaÃÂºl made it 300 goals in the pristine white shirt of Real Madrid for our Captain Courageous - the shirt that stands for peace and love, puppy dogs and kittens, ham and sangria! Three more goals that show that he is the King, the Don, the Master, the... (what? away goals? Are you fu....)."
And so began mad TomÃÂ¡sÃ¢ÂÂ latest dribble in WednesdayÃ¢ÂÂs AS before being it was pointed out to the manic Madridista that his side had gone out to plucky, lower league Basque battlers, Real UniÃÂ³n, in the Copa del Rey - and when the blog writes Ã¢ÂÂgone outÃ¢ÂÂ it means humiliated, dumped, shafted, thrashed...
Third-tier Union make big boys suffer at the Bernabeu
It was a situation so serious that Roncero had to change tack and compare the unforgettable event to the Twin Towers attack and the Madrid bombings as the nearest point of reference.
Ã¢ÂÂThe manager carries a lot of blame for the total disaster of this 11N,Ã¢ÂÂ babbles the over-the-top AS man.
His colleagues are just as bothered and bewildered by TuesdayÃ¢ÂÂs goings-on in a tie that raised the Copa del Rey from a shrug of indifference in La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs league obsessed world into an eyebrow raised in vague interest.
Ã¢ÂÂWhatÃ¢ÂÂs going on here!Ã¢ÂÂ screams WednesdayÃ¢ÂÂs panic stricken headline, in response to scenes of hankie-waving Madrid fans.
And itÃ¢ÂÂs a similar line taken at Marca which yells CRISIS! very, very loudly from its front page. Unfortunately, since the paper blasts this headline every other day itÃ¢ÂÂs very much a cry-wolf situation with this particular sports daily.
"Come here to me... my precious"
Their radio station reported that the incompetent cabal of CalderÃÂ³n, Pedja Mijatovic and Miguel Angel Portugal - few are sure of what his job title is - met after the game for a get together to discuss what is to be done with their latest scapegoat-in-chief, Bernd Schuster.
And the answer appears to be a good, old-fashioned sacking on Saturday if Madrid fail to beat Valladolid - a match that could also see Real go top of the table.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm not concerned, but I understand others are,Ã¢ÂÂ shrugged Schuster in the shortest of press conferences after the game.
And if that is the action to be taken in Castle Greyskull, then a rebellious Marca write in its editorial that Ã¢ÂÂit would be the easiest, but the most cowardly and undeniably the most unfair.Ã¢ÂÂ
Instead they pin the tail of blame on PedjaÃ¢ÂÂs ass for refusing to listen to SchusterÃ¢ÂÂs pleas for reinforcements.
But self-proclaimed bessie mate of Fabio Capello, Roberto GÃÂ³mez writes in his ramblings that the mess is all the fault of the German coach.
Ã¢ÂÂSchuster is losing all of his credit,Ã¢ÂÂ claims GÃÂ³mez - a not unsurprising argument from a gentleman who once declared that Ramon CalderÃÂ³n was one of the most honourable men ever to have walked the earth.
"Hmm, you've really gone and done it now Bernd..."
There is even some sympathy for SchusterÃ¢ÂÂs perilous plight over in Catalunya with Josep Maria Casanovas in Sport predicting an imminent auf wiedersehen to Schuster. Ã¢ÂÂCalderÃÂ³n is ready to sacrifice Schuster to save his own hide.Ã¢ÂÂ
Ultimately, all this talk of firings means that it is high time to update La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs Sack Race chart. So far, two managers have fallen... who is next?
4-1 Bernado Schuster (Real Madrid)
5-1 JoaquÃÂn CaparrÃÂ³s (Athletic)
6-1 Sergio Kresic (Numancia)
7-1 Javier Aguirre (AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid)
9-1 JosÃÂ© Antonio Camacho (Osasuna)
35-1 Juande Ramos (Future Real Madrid)