Wolves to terminate manager Dean Saunders

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The West Midlands club are not leaving anything to chance after their relegation to League One, reports Back of the Net's Paul Watson...

A statement from Wolverhampton Wanderers FC has confirmed that measures are being taken to terminate manager Dean Saunders after the club’s relegation to League One.

Wolves’ relegation represents a low ebb for a once almost-great club and the late-season appointment Saunders did little to appease fans, players, pundits and those who weren’t sure whether you still got Dean Saunders, alike.

Many supporters at Molineux called for Saunders’ head after defeat at Brighton sentenced their side to the third tier and it seems the board have taken the message literally, aiming to rebuild bridges by wiping Saunders off the face of the planet once and for all.

“Manager Dean Saunders has been informed that he is to be terminated,” a statement from chairman Steve Morgan reads: “Assistant manager Brian Carey is also to be eradicated.

“Wolves would like to thank Dean and Brian for their efforts in what has been a very difficult period for everyone. We wish them all the best for the future, with the exception of the immediate future and their attempts to evade the team of futuristic cyborg-assassins we have contracted to carry out their termination.”

In a press conference earlier this week, Saunders stressed his disappointment at failing to keep Wolves afloat and his frustration that things hadn’t worked out in the Black Country. He also conveyed his regret at having to repeatedly duck to avoid a hail of bullets fired at him by Killbot X-2, skulking at the back of the room.

There is still hope for the embattled tactician. Wolves infamously attempted to terminate loveable northern stereotype Mick McCarthy after his dismissal on February 2012, but McCarthy managed to evade and then destroy Killbot X-1, luring it into a conversation about Bovril before dispatching it with a sneaky rabbit punch.

The club will be keen to avoid such an embarrassment this time around, but reports suggest that Saunders has thus far evaded capture and may have removed his ‘DS’ monogrammed tracksuit, rendering him virtually invisible.

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