Skip to main content

Huddersfield fans really looking forward to three years of parachute payments

Hudderfield Town

Following their fairy tale rise to the Premier League, giddy Huddersfield Town supporters are preparing for three years of thrilling parachute payments after they drop back out of it next summer.

Nobody in Huddersfield can stop talking about league-wide financial settlements and their implications for our balance sheet

Lifelong Terriers fan Phil Ormond told FourFourTwo that since winning the play-off final, his home town has been abuzz with talk of long-term television deals and pooled broadcast revenue.

“Parachute payments are what this game is all about,” said Ormond. “Young, old, man, woman; nobody in Huddersfield can stop talking about league-wide financial settlements and their implications for our balance sheet.

“I’ve been coming to watch the Town all my life, and I can’t believe that we’re finally going to have a share of a jointly-negotiated compensation package. It’s Roy of the Rovers stuff.”

Ormond added that £92m over three seasons would give Huddersfield a vital edge in escaping from the second tier, as soon as they returned there. 

He said: “The payments are guaranteed, so we can make plans until 2021/22 knowing there aren’t going to be any nasty surprises. The squad is almost good enough to go up already, and if we invest smartly, I’m confident that Huddersfield will be the Championship team to beat in 2022/23.”

Fellow season ticket holder Jan Pearce said: “The sooner we can get 2017/18 over with, the sooner we can get on with building for the future.

“The only thing that could possibly go wrong is if we get promoted again before the three years are up. But now’s not the time to focus on the negative, not when we’re barely a year away from the first taste of that sweet, sweet apportioned bonus income.

“We just need to get the next 12 months over and done with and then we can sit back and watch the money roll in.”

Please note: This satirical news story is not real. Like, obviously.

More funny stuff • New features you’d love