Aaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way over in Central Asia (or very eastern Europe, in UEFA land) fop-haired purveyor of all things footy in Kazakhstan, Roman Lopatenko, will probably think twice before he starts trying to wind up supporters again.
Their man-on-the telly had an Alan Hansen âÂÂYouâÂÂll never win anything with kidsâ moment in the former Soviet republic recently.
âÂÂIf Tobol are able to keep their advantage of one point in the remaining three rounds, I am ready to go to Kostanay for a couple of days and work as a janitor at the local stadium,â he affirmed last month after they were hammered 5-2 at home by second-placed FK Aktobe.
Tobol Kostanay have picked up the nickname âÂÂthe Dreamersâ in Kazakhstan, on account of having finished in the top three for seven of the past eight years, but never quite managing to clinch the championship.
Aktobe had chipped away at their 12-point lead in the closing stages of the season and won their final three matches, although unfortunately for Lopatenko, so did Tobol, meaning a first league title for Ravil SabitovâÂÂs team and a stint with the broom at their Tcentralny Stadion for him.
âÂÂUsually I win bets,â the pundit for the countryâÂÂs Kazakhstan channel said, "but this time Tobol were better than I thought. I take my hat off to them."
This month he flew over 900 miles from Almaty (KazakhstanâÂÂs capital until Nursultan Nazarbayev moved it lock, stock and barrel 13 years ago to what is now Astana) to Kostanay, where Lopatenko was put to work.
Yeah, OK, it descended into something of a publicity stunt with all the assembled media (and theyâÂÂre getting in the way of him actually sweeping up), but Never Mind the Bolsheviks will forgive them for that; Kazakh football needs all the publicity it can get.
ItâÂÂs not that bad. The countryâÂÂs natural resources might have paid for that swanky new stadium in Astana, but they havenâÂÂt quite got a team fit to grace it yet, however. And besides, they obviously arenâÂÂt too fussed about exposure over here. This blog has been trying for the best part of a week to contact them without success.
Despite the media circus, Lopatenko spent an hour sweeping the stands and at one point he was on his hands and knees picking up pine cones, but Tobol excused him a second day.
Instead, he joined them as a guest of honour at their medal ceremony, where he was ushered on stage with his broom to a standing ovation from the players and fans for honouring his bet after Tobol won a hard-fought title in SabitovâÂÂs first season in charge.
They have had their problems; scouting their opposition being the main one. The 12 Premier League teams in one of the worldâÂÂs largest countries are inconveniently located in 12 different cities, and the former Dinamo Moskva and Lokomotiv Moskva defender admitted at times his side were going into matches âÂÂblindfoldedâÂÂ.
All that travelling takes a fair old chunk out of the 42-year-oldâÂÂs budget, too. Tobol take chartered flights for their away games.
It doesnâÂÂt seem to have affected the players, though, and two of the Tobol team who have contributed massively to their inaugural championship have been Nurbol Zhumaskaliyev and Ulugbek Bakaev, scorers of 31 of the clubâÂÂs 53 league goals this season.
And itâÂÂs not just Roman Lopatenko with a promise. Tobol have kept their word to Stanimir Dimitrov, a stalwart of their midfield for some years who is now back in his native Bulgaria with Neftochimic Burgas 1986. He was told when he left in 2009 that if they ever won the Premier League heâÂÂd receive a medal, a vow the club will honour.
As NMTB mentioned, Kazakh football is a bit of an unknown quantity in the West, much like the country as a whole, but the Premier LeagueâÂÂs foreign coaches â Subitov included â have been surprised at the standard of the competition (pleasantly surprised, NMTB should add) and Aktobe beat AZ Alkmaar of the Netherlands in the Europa League not so long ago.
The national team isn't up to much, mind.
But for Tobol, these are exciting times. ThereâÂÂs a stadium expansion in the offing and the Dreamers are going to sleep at night with thoughts of the Champions League group stages in their heads.
ThereâÂÂs a frightening prospect for Manchester United et alâ¦
