Life has no meaning with Aguirre gone

“I can’t liiiveeeeeee, if living is without youuuuu.....!!!!!!”

As La Liga Loca writes this, it is sitting and sobbing in a flat surrounded by more stuffed trunks than a herd of binge-eating elephants.

“I can’t liiiivveeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!”

The blubbering blog is leaving town and saying ‘adios’ to the craziness of Capital City.

It’s leaving behind its hamster burial ground to give its noisy neighbours a rodent poltergeist surprise. 

It has set Penelope and Monica free – quite literally – after properly punishing the former for her dodgy dalliance with Woody Allen.

Tuesday’s fond farewell to Javier Aguirre means that La Liga Loca is getting out of Dodge. The former rojiblanco ruler’s dismissal is too much to take for a broken blog that has already suffered a hat-trick of managerial heartbreak in recent years.

First to leave a mascara-running La Liga Loca sobbing on the sidewalk was Fabio Capello. After Ramón Calderón shafted his title-winning hero by booting him from the Bernabeu, the blog enjoy lost the sheer thrill of watching the big-chinned chieftain bellowing ‘¡Mira!' to the Spanish press before showing the hapless hacks his medals.

Next, it was Getafe’s Michael Laudrup – a chilled-out coach who came, saw, flashed his smile and decided that a move to Moscow was more to his taste.

To this day, the blog still refuses to believe the Danish journalist who said that away from the roar of the lights and the glare of the greasepaint, Laudrup was a bit of a git.

Bernd Schuster’s departure was another body blow for the blog. With the German’s sacking, gone was that shiver of excitement on whether the Madrid magician would shrug in indifference to the persistent probing of the press, or suggest to journalists that they send him their oh-so-insightful suggestions via fax.

Laudrup, Schuster, Capello: They always leave

Now, La Liga Loca has always shown nothing but respect and admiration for Atlético president Enrique Cerezo and his director general, Miguel Angel Gil.

True, it may have referred to them as clowns and half-wits on a weekly basis, but it was meant purely in jest and affection.

So with this big love in mind, you can imagine the shock, the huge shock, La Liga Loca felt when it heard that Aguirre was being hung out to dry just hours after Cerezo had announced that “neither I nor anyone else is planning the sacking of Aguirre.”

As predicted in Monday’s ramblings, the call from the Vicente Calderón for Atlético’s presidential pair to sling their respective hooks during and after the defeat to Valladolid meant that the self-preservation instinct kicked in and the club’s 57th manager – and fifth longest-serving – was a goner.

On Tuesday afternoon, Aguirre sauntered into the Atlético press room and instead of patiently explaining the reasons for his side’s latest home humiliation, the newly-liberated leader waved good-bye to the rojiblanco world.

"I’ll be here until June, at least,” revealed Aguirre, tacitly inviting the blog to stalk him. “I’m staying here in Madrid and will try to see a lot of football, catch up with friends and read some books.”

Sitting next to Aguirre with a freshly-wiped knife was Enrique Cerezo, bleating that “we are proud and happy of having known not only a coach but also a fantastic person.”

Happier days: Cerezo welcomes Aguirre

Aguirre’s dismissal has been met with complete indifference by Marca, who are too busy trying to get Florentino Pérez elected to bother about the dirty laundry being aired in the non-pijo side of the city.

AS editor Alfredo Relaño notes that Atlético’s leaders are still not safe from the wrath of the home support and will need to be careful “how they manage the anger of some at the Calderón who reject the legitimacy of Gil and Cerezo because of the way Jesus Gil went about buying the club - showing the money at night only for it to disappear by morning.”

Former Atlético keeper (and record clean-sheet collector) Abel Resino has been drafted in from Castellón until the end of the season – without a renewal clause, lending credence to stories that ex-Espanyol boss Ernesto Valverde may return from the Greek league over the summer.

"It’s one of my dreams come true,” admitted Resino on the thought of trying to tempt Maniche off his dressing room beanbag.

While it’s true that Aguirre’s reign at Atlético had probably run its course, with the Mexican manager completely out of ideas, his departure will be a sad loss to la Liga.

On the bench, he was a potty-mouthed rant-merchant releasing a constant stream of insults to his own players, opponents, referees, linesmen and – in one fantastic incident – Villarreal’s club doctor.

But away from the game, he was always thoughtful, honest and in possession of the best flat-top this side of Portugal. 

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