Who wants to be a Mestalla millionaire?

Are you tired of working for The Spanish Man? Have you been worn down by the daily grind of getting up at 10am, having breakfast, the second breakfast, the four-hour meeting, the long boozy lunch and the journey home at 5pm?Then prepare to give your troubles the footballing finger with La Liga Loca’s simple, Guti-proof, four-stage, qet-rich-quick scheme that simply cannot fail.1) Keep a beady eye in the ‘Opportunities’ section of Valencia’s website.2) Apply for any open positions with the words ‘sporting’, ‘technical’, or ‘director’ in the title. 3) Pass interview.4) Get sacked after three months. This has been the route taken by many newly-minted former Mestalla men - all of whom can testify that this is a ruse that will make you rich, rich, rich! “I did two weeks work and got 10 million euro! (according to El Pais)” gushed ex-president-type-thing, Juan Villalonga. “And all thanks to the blog’s Mestalla Money Machine!” “Me?! I got sacked when we were near the top of the table and pocketed three million! Thanks La Liga Loca,” beams former manager, Quique Sánchez Flores. This may sound too good to be true, but this information comes from a source as honest and trustworthy as a Primera president... Valencia’s accounts. Current Mestalla bigwig, Vicente Soriano has revealed that over the last accounting year, the club forked out 16 million euro in severance payments, including the aforementioned 3 million to Quique and 2.2 million to get rid of Santiago Cañizares. But what isn’t made clear is whether those payments included the cash owed to Ronald Koeman and his technical team after their dismissal last season. Or the posse that followed him. Or Villalonga, for his all-too-brief stay as the club’s President-Idol 2008 winner.

"3 million euro... but we don't want to give you that!" 

Either way, Soriano is claiming that a 140 million euro profit was made during the last financial year and that “an agreement exists to sell the Mestalla land for 300 million euros,” which would bring the club’s debt down to an infinitely more manageable 400-odd million euro. But because those in Valencia think that 'transparency' is the left-back for Udinese, Soriano will not be revealing the names of these mysterious buyers. There is secrecy and skulduggery afoot in Sevilla with the news that the law firm offices of, club president, José Maria del Nido have been burgled and that two of his personal laptops were stolen. Del Nido’s current high profile case is the defence of, former Marbella mayor, Julian Muñoz who is in the slammer having been accused of massive corruption during his time in his institutional role. Fortunately for Muñoz, Del Nido has experience with dealing with lower life forms as the Sevilla big cheese also served as Jesus Gil’s lawyer. And finally, La Liga Loca has had to make a rapid adjustment to the Sack Race chart. Rumbles in the Barcelona press suggest that the neck of, Espanyol manager, Bartolomé ‘Tintin’ Márquez will be next on the managerial block of doom. And that would be a great shame, considering La Liga Loca has just gone to the extensive trouble of learning his name, with the blog having been convinced the boldy boss would be sacked in September. A rather poorly attended Perico poll in Mundo Deportivo suggests that 56 percent of those bothering to vote - which includes the blog - thinks that Tintin should be shown the door. But this should be taken with a pinch of salt, considering 4 percent of one poll tips Spurs to win the Premier League while another asks the Culé collective what they most love about Pep’s Dream Boys.From the eight options offered up, it’s ‘the motivation’ that is currently winning out. La Liga Loca’s completely made up and not to be taken seriously with real money Sack Race6-1 Bartolomé Márquez (Espanyol)7-1 Bernd Schuster (Real Madrid)11-1 Bernd Schuster’s replacement (Real Madrid)14-1 Javier Aguirre (Atlético)15-1 Victor Muñoz  (Getafe)16-1 Unai Emery (Valencia)

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