12. Edin Dzeko
Let’s start with the subject himself, then. While playing for Bosnia against Greece on Monday, the former Manchester City striker was jockeyed to the corner before being bundled over by Borussia Dortmund centre-back Sokratis.
After then having the ball wrestled from him, a floored Dzeko chose the only cause of action left rattling around in his brain: to pull down the Greek defender’s shorts, then haul him over for good measure. Dzeko was shown a second yellow, while Greece defender Kyriakos Papadopoulos got a straight red for his weirdly overzealous protests.
11. Jamie Carragher
Carra will be remembered for a decorated career with his beloved Liverpool, but the Scouse centre-half wanted to forget this FA Cup clash against Arsenal at Highbury in 2002.
After an incident which forced Dennis Bergkamp’s sending-off – Arsenal’s second of the afternoon – an irritated Gooner flung a coin at Carragher, who dutifully returned it back to the Highbury crowd. The referee didn’t see the charitable side of things.
10. Eden Hazard
It’s the League Cup semi-final and Chelsea are 2-0 down in Swansea. Full-time is fast approaching. Eden Hazard’s chase to save a stray pass from going out for a goal-kick is futile.
In an attempt to run down the clock, Swansea ballboy Charlie Morgan falls to the floor and, rather than, y’know, do his job and return the ball, shields it from an increasingly annoyed Hazard who promptly boots him in the side. Unfortunately for Hazard, the fact he deserved it didn't really matter to referee Chris Foy.
It wasn’t too surprising, though: Morgan had tweeted pre-match: “The king of all ball boys is back making his final appearance #needed #for #timewasting.”
9. Javier Mascherano
Argentina’s 1-1 draw against Ecuador in a South America World Cup qualifying game was best remembered by a bizarre dismissal of Barcelona’s Mascherano.
Quite why the former Liverpool man decided to kick the driver of a mobile stretcher only he knows, but he shouldn’t have been quite so aggrieved after the referee punished him for the petulance.
8. Thirty-six red cards
Some more Argentine madness for you here, this time in a fifth-tier game between rivals Claypole and Victoriano Arenas, where every player was sent off in a brawl that included fans and managers.
Referee Damian Rubino brandished 36 red cards – a world record for the most in a game of football. So that’s something.
7. Esteban Alvarado
What do do when you’re attacked by a fan? Apparently stand there and take it like a sap according to this referee in the Netherlands.
One dozy Ajax supporter got more than he bargained for when he charged at AZ goalkeeper Esteban Alvarado, who duly welcomed him with a flying kick that sent him tumbling to the ground. Two more whacks to the legs later and Costa Rican Alvarado was off, with furious AZ coach Gertjan Verbeek ordering his players off. Match abandoned.
The red card was rescinded and fan Wesley van W slapped with a six-month prison sentence, banned from Ajax for life. Turns out it really, really wasn’t worth it.
6. Salih Dursun
Turkish Super Lig games can prove particularly fiery encounters, but this one takes some beating. Trabzonspor faced Galatasaray in a game fuelled with altercations and red cards – four of ‘em – so, predictably, all hell broke loose when the latter were awarded an 88th-minute penalty with the scores at 1-1.
Trabzonspor players crowded around a back-peddling referee who dropped his red card after sending off Mustafa Yumlu, and Salih Dursun – on loan from Galatasaray at the time – couldn’t resist the temptation to pick it up and flash it back at him. Unamused, the battered man in the middle snatched it back to give Dursun his marching orders. Oops.
5. Jose Jimenez
Football has a colourful history of wildlife on its pitches, and dogs aren’t a new one. But while most critters trot on and off to harmless chuckles, some don’t get through quite so fortunately.
Bella Vista forward Jose Jimenez is clearly no animal lover. In an Argentine lower-league game against San Juan he reacted bizarrely to a stray dog, grabbing the unsuspecting hound by its neck and launching it at a fence separating the stand and pitch. Luckily, ol’ Rover walked away unharmed.
4. Ashley Vickers
Dorchester player-manager Ashley Vickers thought he was doing this match a service by tackling a mankini-clad pitch invader to the ground who’d successfully evaded puffing stewards for the best part of a minute.
What he got was a red card for his troubles, with the game evenly poised at 1-1. Dorchester lost 3-1.
3. A.N. Italian nutcase
As far as goal celebrations go, this one’s up there.
In an Italian Sunday League game, Riolo Terme scuffed a poor free-kick into the box. Luckily for them, Ponticelli’s keeper responded in kind by fumbling the ball into the air, leaving Riolo’s striker with a simple tap-in. So why wouldn’t you enjoy the moment by smashing through the dugout with your head?
2. Yoav Ziv
Cold Thursday nights at Stoke can be frustrating, so they say, but Ziv took that to a new level.
In a Europa League clash between the Potters and Maccabi Tel-Aviv, the visitors’ experienced defender was nudged off-field by Steven Nzonzi, who went unpunished by the officials.
Cue brainfart. With Ziv’s boot halfway off his foot, the Israeli finished the job off himself before hoofing it straight at the poor linesman. Though his apology was immediate – he never meant it ref, honest – the resulting red was about as inevitable as they come.
1. Linden Ljungkvist
The Swedes are known for many things – see meatballs, Ikea and Zlatan Ibrahimovic – but recently one of its residents earned fame with the oddest sending-off ever.
Defender Linden Ljungkvist, playing in a game between Järna SK’s reserves and Pershagen SK, was shown a second yellow card... for farting. Referee Danny Kako deemed it to be “unsportsmanlike behaviour”, going on to say that he perceived the incident to be “deliberate provocation”. No baked beans in his house, then.
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