Brendan Rodgers is believed to have sold his house in Liverpool after being linked with the vacant managerial role at Aston Villa.
Apparently concerned about the 98-mile journey between Birmingham and Merseyside, the former Swansea boss wasted no time moving to the more advantageously-positioned town of Portree, on the Isle of Skye.
“It’s flattering to be linked with a club like Aston Villa,” Rodgers lied, “But I feel I wouldn’t be able to commit fully to the job from my home in a fortified castle on a Hebridean island 500 miles away.
“Tempting as it is to take on a relegation battle with a squad of misbegotten no-marks while the fans chant for the chairman’s head, it makes more sense for me right now to take literally any other job in the world.
“I’ll sit tight until Christmas, and if nobody but Villa come in for me, I think I’ll give it all up and become a crofter.”
Among other candidates for the job, Nigel Pearson has recently invested in a full-body Birmingham City tattoo, Remi Garde is pretending to be Gilles Grimandi, and David Moyes has told Randy Lerner that since joining Real Sociedad a year ago he has forgotten how to speak English.
“I’d never say never to anything,” Rodgers continued misleadingly. “My phone is always on, except when I recognise a Birmingham dialling code.”
Supporters have not shied away from expressing their opinion on the shambles at Villa Park, with high-profile fan David Cameron declaring himself delighted with his side’s progress under recently-appointed manager Slaven Bilic.
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