DECEMBER
Another month in la Liga began with Spain more than a little freaked out by the memory of a chastened, crestfallen José Mourinho admitting that the better side won a game of football, without a single excuse or rant being deployed in the process. That was MourinhoâÂÂs response from Real Madrid's Camp Nou thrashing by Barcelona at the end of November, and was downright disturbing.
However, the Special One bounced back quickly enough and rediscovered his moaning mojo with a breathtaking array of grumbles. With Gonzalo HiguaÃÂn out of action with a back injury, the first complaint was aimed at Karim Benzema and his general uselessness. âÂÂIf you go hunting and you only have a cat then you have to go out with a cat,â mused the Madrid manager. âÂÂIf you have a hunting dog then itâÂÂs better.âÂÂ
Mourinho was also targeting beastly opposition teams and how his own delicate players werenâÂÂt getting enough protection â a theme for the whole campaign. âÂÂItâÂÂs very easy to show cards to Real Madrid players, not so easy for others,â whined the Portuguese.
He was talking complete nonsense. The end-of-season figures showed that referees found it very easy indeed to give opposition players yellow cards, with 116 handed out to those who played Madrid â the third highest total in la Primera â and just 98 being given to Madrid players. The Santiago Bernabeu club were also given the most number of penalties with 12.
Towards the end of the month José decided to move up a gear by attacking his own bosses in Madrid and leaving for the winter break with suspicions that he would not be coming back. After a narrow â and truly awful â win over Sevilla, Mourinho marched into the post-match press conference waving a piece of paper that he said had been handed him by a club official, detailing 13 mistakes made by the referee.
Mourinho refused to read it but noted that if people at the club âÂÂwant to hide behind the coach, then thatâÂÂs fine,â whilst publicly calling for a meeting with Florentino Pérez. The taunt of âÂÂcry-babyâ from Valencia boss Unai Emery was the best of the assorted responses to MourinhoâÂÂs moans, with the cackling Catalan press convinced he was cracking up.
Barcelona lost a key aspect of their current stupendous success â their overwhelming sense of moral superiority â by signing a five-year sponsorship deal with the Qatar Foundation for a reported â¬165m. Club president Sandro Rosell, a former Nike executive with a big love of branding, said that the partnership was completely compatible with the existing UNICEF agreement and claimed that âÂÂwe needed to do it to pay the salaries.âÂÂ
The response to the deal was less than enthusiastic amongst the culé collective, as it sees the UNICEF logo being moved to the back of the shirt in the season to come. âÂÂBarça is no longer more than just a club,â wrote Johan Cruyff, someone not exactly close to Rosell.
Atlético MadridâÂÂs campaign continued to turn pear-shaped, with double defeat to Greek giants Aris Salonika contributing to the shortest of spells in the Europa League, the competition they were supposed to be defending.
The Rojiblancos then lost the occasionally excellent Simao, who was out of contract in the summer, and replaced the winger with OsasunaâÂÂs Juanfran, who is never excellent. Or even vaguely good, come to think of it.
Over at Hércules, the clubâÂÂs inability to pay its players began to take its toll with Royston Drenthe refusing to train and then declining the chance to come back from the winter break, complaining that the only pay cheque the on-loan Real Madrid winger had received was AugustâÂÂs.
In something that LLL believes may classify as ironic, Valencia sponsors âÂÂThe Valencia Experienceâ fully lived up to the name and neatly summed up the Mestalla mobâÂÂs last couple of years by owing the club a reported sum of â¬6m.
Racing Santander coach Miguel Angel Portugal gave a strong indication that his days in Cantabria would be coming to an end, insulting his team after a defeat by claiming some of them were âÂÂoverratedâÂÂ.
And Andrés Iniesta, one of the most gifted midfielders of his generation, scorer of his countryâÂÂs World Cup winning goal, showed that he really was a hybrid between Mr Spock, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and a Miss World winner by admitting that âÂÂIâÂÂm happier to be a role model for kids than winning sporting prizes.â Donations to pay for a drink-, drug- and hooker-stuffed trip to Vegas for the Barça man started flooding in soon after.
NOVEMBERMadrid's Barça bath & Preciado punches back
OCTOBERNo Plan B for Barça & Mourinho's blacklist
SEPTEMBERJose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUSTPep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for ÃÂzil
PLUSLa Liga Loca's review of every team's season
