Premier Sketch: Chilean miners, marine haircuts & Barton's sausage-legs

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Manchester City moved joint-top of the table for a few days with a 3-0 away win at West Ham, after Chelsea continued their stuttering run of winless games.

The weekend’s best goal scored by a snood-wearer came at Upton Park; City’s Yaya Toure earning the honours with a wicked left-footed drive.

So life is great at Eastlands, unless you happen to be the confused City captain Carlos Tevez, who is just figuring out that signing a five-year contract to make you City’s highest earner then, just months later, announcing you’re not really too keen on playing football anymore doesn’t make you particularly popular.

Speaking of bad decision making, you would think a team run by the owner of a chain of cheap sporting goods stores could find his players a pair of shorts that don’t cut off their circulation. Let’s just say that it’s pretty easy to figure out what religion Joey Barton is.

At times, football can be an unpredictable sport - but one thing you can always rely on is Newcastle sacking their manager at least once a season.

Chris Hughton outrageously became the first Premier League boss to be shown the door this season. Although the decision wasn’t greeted with too much enthusiasm, Hughton’s successor Alan Pardew lead the Magpies to a 3-1 win over Liverpool.

The Reds backline was bullied by Andy Carroll all afternoon and Martin Skrtel was given a torrid time even though he  looks the for all the world like a centre back you don’t want to mess with:

Marine haircut -Check
Full of tattoos - Check
Lack of snood - Check
Eastern European - Check, actually Slovak.

On Monday night Manchester United’s guests, the Chilean miners, witnesses United move above their City neighbours taking top spot after beating a disappointing Arsenal 1-0.

The prolific Wayne Rooney took advantage of his late penalty kick to belt the ball at one of the many Stretford enders who had booed him onto the field a few weeks ago. 

When asked how they had coped with being stuck in such a dark, damp, and depressing place the miners replied “It wasn’t so bad they gave us plenty of prawn sandwiches at halftime.”

And finally here’s this weeks’ Guess the goal; bonus points for naming the reclining back four...